Believing and Santa

This time of the year can be so exciting and yet so daunting there are so many things to think about and worry if we allow. We want to give our kids everything and yet for a lot of families that is impossible and when you are a one parent family it may seem even more impossible! However, we do this right it can all work in our favor and that is what I always did with my two kids.

There were times I simply would wanted to crawl up into a ball and just cry because there was no way I was going to be able to purchase the gifts that my kids wanted. However, I had to Believe that somehow it would workout and you know somehow it always did. I would end up receiving a bonus or a friend or family member would buy one of the gifts they asked for. There were also times when my own children would come to me and tell me they did not believe any more. They would tell me that Santa was not real and that life was just hard, they would say they know that I was the one who put the gifts under the tree. The first time they told me this, my first thought was oh good now I can stop worrying about it all. I could tell them the truth and then explain that I cannot always give them what they want and that perhaps we could even dismiss the entire thing. Believe me these thoughts when through my head so quickly as I sat starring at my daughter then my son at different times of course. But then I would think if I did this then what would happen to their belief system? How would I teach them that even when things look really bad that they should still believe and knowing as they got older if they had no belief system how would they cope? Sure as we get older we understand a lot of things but do we not still believe in good, do we not believe that truth will triumph over evil? That we can make a difference that we can accomplish what we want despite what the world throws at us?  And, that it is OK to fall but to know we can get up!

And, so with a deep breath here is what my answer was to them…

Well let’s see is there really a Santa Clause, should you really believe in all of this and should you believe what your friends are telling you at school? Well it goes like this… I am much older then you and I still believe and I believe in Santa Clause and you know what Christmas is always here and presents are always wrapped up and placed under the tree every year despite anything that is going on. Have I always received exactly what I wanted maybe not always but I always would find something there for me that I wanted! So, here is what I say to you as long as you believe there will always be a gift under the tree for you and sometimes it will be exactly what you want and other times it maybe not exactly what you want but it will be something you want or need. This I can tell you in all honesty will happen and it will happen throughout your whole life even if at some point you have to make it happen!

Once this conversation happened they never asked again if there was a Santa or advised me that they did not believe! We had some great Christmas mornings where we all received exactly what we wanted and other times when we did not and it was always OK. I over heard my son speaking to a friend in his room he was about 7 years old and they were talking about Christmas and Santa. The friend said something along the line of awe come on there is no Santa and you are way too old to believe that. My son replied with “Oh no as long as I believe there will always be a gift under the tree for me!” Then he said, “I’m not really sure about Santa and I’m pretty sure that my mom is doing it all but I have never caught here putting the gifts under the tree. I also really don’t mind and if it makes her happy and my sister and I are happy then does it really matter? I will just believe” Then of course he said but really I know it’s my mom and they both laughed and I smiled as I stood near the door way of the room.

Now mind you sometimes they each only received one gift from Santa and sometimes it was small, yet they never complained. To this day if you ask my kids if they believe and if Santa is real they will tell you as long as I believe there will always be something under the tree for me!

We create life and we help it along and we should all be helping our children see that so that they can continue doing the same thing. And, so yes I believe in Santa Clause and I Believe! Don’t let the noise of our society take away your belief system and especially your child (children’s) desire to want to believe!

If Santa is not part of your Holiday Season that’s OK, but what ever it is believe in it and help your children to believe in who they are and in the world at large.

Can you share with all the readers what it is you do or can do to help grow your children's Belief System?

And, so it goes…  

Attitude of Gratitude

I had a very last week was very interesting it was a great week and this week I know will be even better. My attitude is back on gratitude and you know that can only mean more things to be grateful for, So, with that said yesterday I saw my first red bucket from the Salvation Army and I made sure I made my little deposit. Each year I never just walk by acting like I don’t see or hear the bell ringing so that I don’t have to drop something in. Every bucket I pass this season I shall drop what I can into it and be grateful for all that I have. My kids learned to give because of my giving attitude kids are all about mimicking what we do.

When my daughter was 2 we lived in the Azores at the time I was still married and our two years there was an adventure to say the least! I believe it is where I learned to truly be grateful for what I have. I must admit that I did become so overwhelmed with guilt because I could not give to every beggar that came to our door step. We arrived in the Azores in December to join her dad and anyone who knows me and my kids Christmas is our time of the year.  I love helping others even more during this time of the year so to see so many individuals and families needing help concerned me so much. I kept trying to help everyone who came to our door but was running out of food and my money. My husband at the time told me I had to stop that we were going to end up having to beg if I kept trying to feed the entire island!

The following Sunday after services I went up to the pastor and asked him how do I feed everyone? How do I not feel guilty about having what we have and seeing what they don’t have! How do I not give when it makes me feel so bad?

He said Marian you are so sweet and it is so good that you want to help all those in need but your husband is right you cannot feed everyone! He suggested I select one person or one family to help and to concentrate on just them. He continued to advise me that I do not need to keep giving them money that the families here need help with food and clothing as well. He suggested that I save our leftovers for who ever I choose to help, to buy maybe something small for them at the store when and only when I can.

I chose a family and they were the only ones I helped and shortly afterwards all the others stopped coming to our door! It was nice and I was able to breath again and feel that I was helping my daughter always helped me give whatever it was I was giving that day.

One day as we were in the house due to the rains myself and my ex were sitting down reading and our daughter was on her tricycle. She stopped and asked me for a bag and she put it on the handlebars then rode her bike to her dad then me. She stopped in front of us held out her bag and asked us each of us if we had food, U.S. money or Escudos. We looked at each other and said “Oh no she is begging!” we laughed you know kids follow what they see and hear! She did learn that to give thank goodness and not to beg as she got older! 

The Azores was not all about beggars by the way it is a beautiful island with people people in it and to this day my daughter remembers the joy and the fun we had their! We were stationed there for three years and my son was born there! 

What are you doing this Holiday season to help those that are not as fortunate as you?

And, so it goes…  

Thanksgiving

Another Thanksgiving has come and gone and now the Holiday Season is in full swing! This time of the year has always been one that I like! One year I wanted to teach my kids about giving and sharing. So we made a Thanksgiving meal all together then we plated up about 50 plates and drove around LA and passed out the plates. It was an adventure and a learning opportunity

My kids along with their two cousins who were with us ended up learning so much about Giving Thanks and Sharing with others that year. Each year after that they looked forward to Thanksgiving so we could help out in some way others who had less then us. I was able to do this on a tight budget because I had won a turkey and the fixings on a radio show. I already had my turkey and everything else I needed so I thought why not make it a family thing. My sister came with us to help distribute and since I worked with the homeless and mentally challenged I was aware of what we were doing and where to go.

It was one of my most favorite Thanksgiving dinners and my kids talked about it for years to come! Even though they did not get to eat their meal till we were done they were OK with it. And, that night at our Thanksgiving meal they shared their stories of helping others!

As parents we can think about ways to help others and yet make it fun and a learning situation for our children. Hope you all had had a wonderful Thanksgiving Day! If you don’t celebrate Thanksgiving because you are not from the US you can also create a day of Thanksgiving to be celebrated once a year in your own home. Then use this day as a day of giving and sharing with others who are less unfortunate then your family.

And, so it goes…

More Business News - New Logo

Here is our new logo! We are all so excited and my graphic arts person is pretty happy with it as well! He is under the weather so I'm hoping he is feeling much better in a few days. If anyone is looking for a great Graphic Arts person he is the one! William Schurmann and he can be reached at schurmy@mac.com and he was supported in the shadow family by Neil Segura can contact him at neil@neilsegura.com. If you contact Neil please let him know you heard about him through Parenting on your own and William Schurmann, please. If you contact William please let him know you heard about him through Parenting on your own.

We are moving and changing our logo here, on our site, twitter and Facebook as well. I am really thrilled with the outcome and know this will help us out as we dig our heels in to get the website done!

Speaking of the site parentingonyourown.com we are looking for 40 or more awesome families and yes if your one parent family we are talking about you!!! Don't wait go find a great picture of your family and send it in to us via the website landing page or to amora@parentingonyourown.com now!

You and your family will be part of our Launch and this historic movement to redefine what is possible for one parent families. Through our site individuals will be able to see how our families contribute to society in a positive manner! 

And, so it goes...

  

Take The First Step!

I am so excited about seeing everything happening before my eyes to see how this business is moving forward and growing is exciting. My web developer is busy getting the new website completed and with the help from my awesome assistant we are moving forward with content!

I have a blogger who has submitting post to us (for the site not for this blog) and on Friday I met a wonderful writer / blogger. I am so excited about our meeting her and I'm looking forward to this Thursday (November 1st) to be the day I find out if we have an agreement. She has some awesome ideas and I know you will all want to tune in and read her inaugural article it will be awesome. Keep your fingers crossed that I will be announcing on Friday or Monday at the latest of who will be on board I will introduce her to everyone. We had such a connection so again I'm hoping she will come on board!

When I first started the plans for this business I had a lot of people tell me that it seemed to big and that there would be no way that I could ever get this business off the ground. I was told that with no money to really put into this business how in the world would I ever get anyone to come on board and help me create it. I had a lot of nay Sayers that is for sure.

I also had a lot of others who have told me wow, where have you been I needed you three years ago but I could still use some help. Then others who tell me I have a friend who just became a single parent they really need some help. Others who have said, I can't wait till you launch, my daughter could use your help and just yesterday I was told "You have a message which must be heard by everyone!"

I do not let anyone tell me what is not going to happen, I do not let anyone take away my vision, my dream and I know that all I need to do is keep my vision in front of me at all times! I also only need to see the first step just like the quote by Martin Luther King Jr.

I can't wait to give you more information just as to how Parenting on Your Own will be able to assist you whether you are a parent from a one parent family. Or maybe you are a parent from a two parent family but your spouse is gone due to work like the military or a truck drive and you find yourself Parenting on You Own!

As for money... well I continue working my other business as an independent insurance agent and I'm thrilled when we receive donations from individuals who believe in what we are doing to help us grow. I create the funds that we need just like I did when my kids were young. I use to make and sell cheese cakes (really good ones) to help obtain extra funds for school trips, and other things that my two children needed.If we needed extra money I made it happen and that is what I'm doing now to create this business, I will continue working my insurance business in order to continue building this business.

I thought raising two kids was tough well I'm learning that raising a business is the same. You have to believe in it and yourself that you can raise it the same way you have to do with raising your kids. When you are thinking should I have said that, should I have done that should I have been that tough? Well just like raising your kids don't second guess yourself and remember you have to believe and know that your kids are going to be great. You are going to get out and pull in support from your community, friends and family to make it happen. This is the same thing you do with a business!

What is it you are looking to do is it a new business, switching to a different career, help your child/children get into a certain college? Tell us what it is you are doing that is the first step! Speaking out loud is a must!

And, so it goes...

New Logo!

Here is the new logo for those of you who have not been following this blog let me catch you up: I started this blog to talk about parenting on your own which is what I did with my children from the ages of 3 & 7 when their dad and I separated and filed for divorce.

I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be raising our kids on my own in fact I made him promise me that he would be with us forever! Just before our second baby was born I grabbed his arm and said promise me you will not leave, promise me you will not have me raise these kids by myself! He looked at me and laughed he said don't be silly I will be right here I'm not going anywhere. I breathed and then we had our son however, when are son was almost three years old he changed his mine and said he was leaving. You know things happen, life changes, we grow in different directions and so I found myself parenting on my own!

I had so many "How Do I?" questions and no matter where I looked or how many books, magazines or internet sites I found everything I read was not good. I felt that this is not true then I started researching what statistics are out there and that is when I said OK that's enough! I set out to create a magazine and I began working with a professor with the Entrepreneur Program at UCLA. He was amazing and he really believed in my vision he helped me create a magazine or a dummy then money was needed and I did not have any nor could I find anyone who was interested.

At the same time as this great idea came to mind I was laid-off from a non-profit organization that I had been with for ten years. At the same time I was introduced to the insurance world and I though "ahh" this is the way I can make my money to get my magazine printed and so on. However, I am very competitive and so when I learned how many different awards were out there I had to go for them and I wanted all of them. So my dream went into a large box and into storage when I had an awesome opportunity to move up to Northern CA with the same company (FYI I was and still am an independent contractor). After six years I chose to come home the large amounts of money I did not make but I did do OK. I was in conversation with some people and ended up signing-up for a six month coaching program with Bob Proctor which was a game changer for me. Things weren't going the way I had expected and anticipated so I really started thinking what else could I do then it came to me my old dream. I jumped into my car and drove out to my storage unit and dug through everything till I found the box.and once I pulled it out I sat down and dusted it off. It was all taped up but there was a piece of paper taped to it covered in tape so it would not be readable when I would get back to it. To be honest I don't even remember writing it but I did. It said:

This is the actual post it note taped to the box! 

So, no this is not a magazine only because I wanted to be able to do so much with this that everything would not fit into a magazine and the cost would be so high to produce it and to subscribe to it. While at a meeting in December and while speaking to several individuals who were so excited about what I wanted to create a new idea/dream was created! This is how the idea of doing a website was born.

There is so much to creating a site that will give so much to one parent families that will offer to them suggestions, ideas, places to go to, discounts, and most importantly a different point of view! Instead of showing you all the negative stats that are out there we are going to show you how to grow a happy and successful family with only one parent. For some of you out there you may be a one parent family for a short time off and on for instance... if your spouse is a truck driver, or what if your spouse is in the military and there are other reason that you end up parenting on your own. Our site will give you a helping hand along the way and a group of individuals who are doing exactly what you are doing raising a family on their own. 

We will also make sure there are meetup groups out in the different communities so you have a chance to really sit down and speak to someone who is going through the same things as you. 

The fact that I now have a new logo is exciting! Though I will be taking it down and putting up the older version till it is complete 100%!

Until we are ready to launch I will continue to let you know what is going on with the site, how it is going and what blocks or hurdles we may have to claim and all of our successes, shh we are looking for more successes then anything else! I will also continue sharing with you some of the trails, tribulations and the celebrations of raising kids on your own! 

Please feel free to comment at any time whether it is good or bad or if you have some suggestions please sure! You can also e-mail me at mlopez@parentingonyourown.com

And, so it goes...

Family Is the Soil In Which We Grow the Next Generation

This past Saturday my mother’s side of the family had their annual family picnic/reunion and as always it was so much fun. All the cousins pitch in despite their busy lives and the some how the event always comes together. We play games, we have piñatas (for the kids and for the aunties & uncles), everyone brings side dishes and one of the cousins does the grilling. We have a trivia game on the history & stories of the Guerra family and it is truly a great way to learn about our family. Each year new stories are added and each year we get to hear more about our grandparents and our aunts & uncles as well as stories about the first set of cousins.

I remember when I was kid I always loved to hear that there was going to be a gathering of the Guerra Family. I loved to listen to my aunt & uncles and watch them laugh and tell stories. I had fun playing with all of my cousins. It was always a great day when there was a Guerra Family event.

It was no wonder that when my kids came along I could not wait for us to be around the Guerra Family   however, most of the family had grown and with our grandparents passing the events stopped happening. However, due to the fact that I have some pretty awesome cousins we were able to work together and we began having family picnics/reunions once a year. My children were still small so they were now able to enjoy these events just as much as I did as a child. It even came to a point that they would begin to ask when is there going to be a Guerra family party? There for a while we all got busy with life and the annual events stopped once again however, about four years ago the cousins came together again and we were able to  started-up the annual picnic/reunions again! And, my kids still look forward to coming and hearing all about their family!

Now what does that all have to do with single parenting you may ask? Well it was an awesome way for me to help teach my children where they came from and it was a great way for me to introduce them to their family. For me it was a way of showing my kids that they come from an even larger family then just us. When my kids dad & I first separated my son had such a hard time understanding that we were still family, he felt that without his dad it mean we were no longer a family and he would tell me this! So the events were just one way for him to see that families come in all different sizes and shapes (more on this subject on another post)!

Due to work my daughter has been unable to attend for the past couple of years due to work and is always upset that she can't make it. She always waits till I come over to show her pictures and tell her the stories of went on that day. My son loves attending and always enjoys himself he says he can't get over hearing all about everyone in his family!

By being at the events my kids learned a lot about their family and where they came from and how strong they are by hearing how strong their grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc... have been! My kids have been around not just the Guerra family but we have have non-blood family members that are just as important to them as their natural family members. They have aunties and grandmothers who have shown them how strong they are therefore it has helped to shape them! Our families whether they are our are blood families or our families we have created help to grow and shape our children. It does not matter if our children come from a one parent family or a two parent family they still learn about family. They learn a little about themselves and about where they came from. They will look up to that family and to those adults as well. Help your children have a good sense of who they are and where they come from keep family around them and if need be then create the family that they should have!

Do you have family to help surround you and your children? If you do not have cousins and grandparents around or some that you would prefer not having them around your kids (which happens). Then what and how are you creating a family for your kids?

And, so it goes…

How Do You Walk A Thousand Miles?

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step… Chinese proverb

When I first started off on this journey of parenting on my own; after the separation and divorce I must admit I was scared. I could not find answers to all the questions in my head of “How do I…”  I searched and searched only to find negative answers or no answers. I looked online and I purchased magazines and books in hopes of finding answers that would help me see a bright future. I also got tired of looking everywhere, I wanted to just have one place that would provide all the info I needed and wanted!

I learned very quickly that I was going to have to pave my own road and design our future the way I wanted it to happen for myself and my children. Yes we hit bumps in the road but we figured it out after hitting our heads on the brick wall over and over again. That is what Parenting On Your Own.com is all about, where you come to our site to find answers and support and others who are going through the same thing. It will give you support and assistance via resources of all types!  .

 Now how else can this quote be tied into today’s post?

Looking back I had to figure out that my journey with my kids would be one of a thousand miles and that it all began with a single step. I had to learn not to be afraid of the future but to embrace it and take it one step at a time. The same goes with regards to the development of this online community. It will be built one step at a time in order to assure that it has everything a one parent family would want and need to help them raise a happy and vibrant family.  

Reminder:

Share this blog and please don’t forget to let everyone you that know of our casting call for pictures of their one parent family! If selected their family picture will be part of our website launch and will be highlighted!

Let’s get those cute family pictures sent in as soon as possible to amora@parentingonyourown.com You just never know your family or someone you know may be selected!!!

And, so it goes…

We Need A Team!

This is an amazing quote that speaks to businesses and yes, to families!

Coming together is a beginning.

Keeping together is progress.

Working together is success

Henry Ford

As the description of my blog states this is all about following me/us as we move this thought, this dream into a thriving business! The business is all about single parenting and their family which is a one parent family here is our description:

We are an online membership community that provides resources and a support system for one-parent (single parent) families. Through empowerment that will give one-parent families the knowledge and the feel that they have the same social connections and resources as parents from two-parent families in order to raise happy and vibrant children on their own!

I started out with this great idea and I tried to do this alone and found that it was almost impossible to get it done. However, I learned as an amazing women told a group of us that “no one absolutely no one does it alone, that no matter what we are doing we should all recognize that we need help!” that women is Nell Merlino from Count Me In.

Working with an awesome group like Count Me In http://www.countmein.org/ and winning a spot with this amazing program “Business Accelerator” with People Biz http://www.peoplebizinc.com/ has been an amazing journey! Funny thing is I am only at the start!

I am learning things that I wish I had learned which would have helped me with the insurance business I have been doing for the past 13 years! But it is never too late to learn and so I am really working on growing and getting Parenting On Your Own off the ground. I now have a group of different people helping me out who also sees how amazing this community will be to thousands of one parent families! My web developer is getting to work and is listening to what my vision is and yet is not afraid to give input! I also have a webmaster that is currently helping to get this business running since at this time there is no website up and running for her to oversee. She has stepped up and offered ideas as well as point out things that are good and things that need some work. It is so great to have someone else who is getting what this community is about and is going with it and she’s pushing the envelop, “Thank You” Acacia!!

We have lots to do before we launch our wonderful and much needed site! But together with all the help we have it will get done!

Yesterday I was with my daughter at the Abbot Kinney Festival she had a booth there to sell her hand crafted jewelry: http://www.etsy.com/shop/MoureDesigns?ref=search_shop_redirect I’m proud of her for following her dreams and goals. She had to make some adjustments to what she is doing but she is still going after what she wants. She has also taken on a team of sorts without realizing it… A teacher - she took a class to learn how to take her designs from paper and turn them into a model then into a gorgeous silver finished product she can sell. A friend who helped her take everything to the festival and to make sure she was all set-up and ready to sell. More friends - who come by during the day to help her out with other things needed throughout the day. Her brother, her aunt and I came at the end of the day to help her close shop and her boyfriend who came to pick her and her things to take her home. Without realizing she had a great Team of people who supported her and assisted her and reach her success at the end of the day! She send me a text last night that said "Thank you and how without our help it would have taken her forever".

Yup, Team Work that’s what it takes and that is how I am going to take this blog and grow a community of one parent families who will all be working together to raise happy and vibrant children! We all need a team to help us succeed!

To continue growing this business I need the help of all of you as well! Please go here to:

https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/ParentingOnYourOwn help us be part of the Team by taking this survey and/or passing this link to single parents that you know!

Let's all work together to help create this awesome community to help single parents everywhere be able to feel that yes they do have access to the help and support they need! Let's help change the stats and the out look of single parent families!

And, so it goes...   

Success, Parenting & Family

My last two posts were about success, what we learn from family, and about doing so much for everyone that you do nothing for yourself. Now how does this all relate to one parent families?

I can’t speak for everyone but I can for myself as well as those I know personally and here is what I see and what I have learned:

As a single mom or dad or grandparent you are so busy trying to raise you child on your own because more then just mom/dad/grandparent and it’s your responsibility to not just take care of the children but it’s your responsibility to do it all. You need to go out make the money, be tough and be a loving with the kids, keep the house up, teach your children right from wrong, entertain the kids, pay all the bills and make sure you have money to do all of this, remember to be in touch with family and friends, and so on and son. Boy is that a lot, just typing it made me exhausted and tired however, what we don’t realize is that we don’t have to be everything to everyone. Our sole responsibility is to keep our eye on the goal and that is to raise healthy, happy and vibrant children!

We should be able to steer them through the road map of life; through the ups and downs of life’s rollercoaster so when they are faced with making choices they will hopefully make the right choice.

I use to drive myself crazy trying to figure out my kids every move, trying to figure out how I can be everywhere and still work my eight hour job as well as keep up with housework, etc. Boy was I driving myself crazy especially when they started to get older because I realized that the choices they were going to have to make were bigger and scarier now. Do they ditch school with friends, do they take a drink or do drugs, and do they worry about grades or blow school off. Not to mention the cell phones and the internet and all that comes with that as well. And, I haven’t even mentioned the boys & girls issues of dating and such. Or how do you even fit in dating with all of this going on?

A good friend of mine stepped in and told me you know you are going to drive yourself crazy trying to stay ahead of your kids. You should realize that for about eight hours or so they are not around you and there is nothing you can do about that because you have to be at work! So you teach them well and help them learn right from wrong and then you trust them! Just don’t forget to talk to them from time to time. Then she laughed.

I got to tell you those were some of the best words I had heard about raising children and it was simple. I started to chill and I let go of trying to be their dad as well, I even told them that I was not their dad and could not be because I was their mom. I also would tell them over and over again that I would always be here for them and that I hoped they knew they could come to me with any questions they had! I sat down with of my two kids and told them that we were partners in this thing called a family and that it would take all three of us to get through this growing up stuff. I also told them over and over again that no matter how angry I may get over a situation that I would hope they would know that I still loved them and that I would never send them away or leave them! That was our golden rule that we would all remember that no matter how angry any of us got that we were family and we loved each other. The other thing that I made sure we did was talk we talked about a lot of things and we always listened to each other. We never missed our time to talk about the future and what our dreams were and what we wanted.

You see moms, dads and a grandparent alone or with a partner runs into the same issues and if we are so busy taking care of everyone how can we take care of our family? If we are so busy worrying about what might happen and what might not happen, how we can teach our kids that everything will be OK.  How do we worry about every little thing in our lives and our children’s and yet try to be and show that we are positive? My answer to myself and other parents who are doing this on their own is to remember that we can’t do it all; so instead we have to stay focused on what we would like our outcome to be for our families. I had to realize that as I raised my children that I was going to be their main teacher who teaches them right from wrong and not just talking about it but doing it, showing them. That is how they learn by listening and by seeing it happen before them. They mimic what we do and therefore we need to be on our toes at all times however when we mess up (and we do because we are human) we need to fess up to it and acknowledge it!    

This quote is one that I try to live by and when I slip I’m not hard on myself,  because I know that I can get right back on track and keep on moving with my head held high. The nice thing is my two children do the same, they keep their eye on the end result and when they slip up they know they can get back up and get back on track.  This quote has been said a thousand different ways but I like the way Cecil B. DeMille says it…

“The person who makes a success of living is the one who sees his goal steadily and aims for it unswervingly,”

You see as a single mom, dad, or grandparent raising our kids on our own can get out of hand and we can get so busy trying to raise them and working that we stop looking at the goal!

By having membership with our online community you will have access to tools that will help you keep your goals in front of you at all times! We will be able to connect you to others as well so you can develop a great support system. Keep your eye out for our official launch late November early December 2012! In the meantime you can always “Like” us and follow us on FaceBook at https://www.facebook.com/Parentingonyourown

What are your thoughts on this subject? Leave us a comment we sure would appreciate it :) 

And, so it goes…

Three Little Kids Talking About Their Future...

I spent the day with my mother yesterday, my father went in for a pacemaker (he is doing well) and after a long day it was time to let my father sleep and for us to get some rest as well. My mother was spending the night with my sister and I and as we were driving she shared a story that I had not heard before. About how one of her brothers and one of her sisters along with herself would sit down together to tell each other what their dreams for the future were. They did this regularly and they would describe exactly what they wanted, they were specific. If you look at what they asked for and what they ended up with they received what they wanted. My mother said this is why she always told us to dream big and to believe in our dreams and was glad that I always did the same thing with my kids. My mother, aunt and uncle were practicing the law of attraction (or as my mother would say practicing their faith) without even knowing what they were doing.

I think that it’s pretty cool to hear how my mom as a kid along with my aunt and uncle shaped their future. As part of the post from the other day we need to look out for ourselves but not to forget others that are around us. My mother was clear that they each took turns talking and no one laughed at what the other was saying.

We should try to understand that what we do and say to our kids does make a lasting impact on them. My mother telling us as kids to dream big and not be afraid of our dreams has always stayed with me. Why did it take so long for me to really hear this I am not sure maybe it was because what she said and what she did were not quite the same? I can sit back and wonder if I had continued to dream big and not be afraid to go after my dream would I have developed my this business I am doing just now years ago?  

I remember my mother telling us that we can be who ever we want to be and go where ever we want to go. I believe she was saying this because she wanted us to dream bigger then she did and to realize we had the entire world to go after. My mother is a pretty smart cookie. 

I love the idea of seeing my mom, an aunt and an uncle (as a children) sitting altogether and telling each other their plans for the future and then setting off to reach their dreams.

I look forward to posting more information on Friday about this post as well as from the quote I posted on Tuesday and how they both work with what Parenting On Your Own is all about.  

What are your plans for the future (it’s never too late) and how will you help your children or grandchildren go after their dreams and goals? Please feel free to leave a comment about this post or to leave your answer to the question.

You can also follow along on the daily post on our Fan/Business Page on FaceBook:  https://www.facebook.com/Parentingonyourown and before you know it will be time for our official launch of our website!

And, so it goes…  

To Help or Not to Help???

"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody"  Bill Cosby

I was out with my daughter yesterday and I came across a book with this quote. I read it aloud and my daughter & I agreed it was very good. We ended up having a great discussion around this quote.

Do you ever realize while you are busy trying to take care you, you have others pulling on you so much that you are not doing what you want? If so remember this quote!

I just posted the above quote and  two short paragraphs on Parenting On Your Own Fan/Business Page on FaceBook: https://www.facebook.com/Parentingonyourown

However, I would like to add a bit more… The reason my daughter and I liked the quote was twofold we both have gone down that street of doing for others so much so that we miss the boat for ourselves. But we both said we knew way too many individuals who are always running around doing and helping others so much so that they are not happy. These individuals are not grounded and are having a hard time moving forward.

Now we both agreed that to reach our successes we do have to help others and in turn ours will follow provided we are working towards reaching our successes. So what does this have to do with being a single parent and raising kids, you ask?  It’s simple single parents seem to feel that they are running around all the time until they learn to be organized and develop a plan of action for each day. Just like anyone else. However, it is just them, one parent to take care of the kid(s) and one parent to get the house in order, do the disciplinary actions, have a job and do well it in order to have job security. Well as you can imagine the list can go on and on… Now if you take the quote and address single parent moms and dads well you may find their head is spinning with all they have to do plus add on top of that “Life”.

You have your immediate family and your friends whom we all know you must put some interest/time into all of your relationships in order to grow them, right? So in doing this when does the parent find time for themselves? When do they concentrate on what their needs are and how do they go about following their dreams? When they are pulled in many directions?

This is just one area that our site is going to be about and the interesting thing is this does not just happen to single moms and dads but also in a two parent family moms and dads! At different times in our families’ lives whether you are a one parent household or a two parent household you find yourself doing things On Your Own.

If you have some ideas on how to cope and what you do or have done please feel free to comment on this post, we would appreciate it!  

I will be back on Friday to jump further into this subject!

And, so it goes…

Words Can Be Mighty

After my little piece on children and divorce it got me thinking of what else do adults do without realizing their impact on children? I made some calls and spoke to some friends and then thought back what have I done that could have discouraged a child…

Once way back before having my own kids a nephew who was only about five or six wanted to show me his dancing. I was told he was so excited to show me I had been gone for some time (I was living in Germany and home for a visit) and so I was standing there waiting for the big show. He came out dressed up and started to dance and I started to laugh so hard he ended up stopping and I kept telling him it was OK to continue but he did not. My mother and sister looked at me and were mad; my mother told me later on that he said he would never dance again! And, he did not!!  Of course I apologized over and over again but the damage was done.

After that I have always tried real hard to never discredit a child even if what they are doing is not the best or if it is so funny you just want to breakout laughing. It is so easy to do this. Instead remember we need to be supportive in all areas never say harsh words to a child not even if playing around because it sticks in their brain and they carry it around with them.

Lest celebrate the accomplishment of all children because we never know what they may end-up accomplishing! For me after that horrible day I have never said anything that made a child feel bad I give encouragement instead always. My two kids were encouraged and to this day I encourage them with their dreams!

What can you say or do with a child today that will help them and inspire them?

Click here to watch a clip from a movie that really shows how easy it is to discourage a child… 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RRNqoqFzTi0&feature=related

Why Did Daddy Leave?

Some times I truly believe that parents whether one-parent or two-parents don’t realize what they say affects their children in many ways some times right away sometimes for years to come. For instance in divorces or a breakup when a child (or children) is with their mom or dad and they begin to bad mouth the other parent who left as though their child is their friend or confidant. Or they chose to tell their child why the divorce happened, how wrong the other parent is and how hateful they are is sad. The child is going through enough they do not need to hear negative hurtful things on top of that.  The other talk that a parent has with their child about the parent that left is how they (the other parent) did not want them or could not fit them into their new life. I’ve seen a  parent go as far as hiding letters from the other parent. You can read some stories here: http://www.children-and-divorce.com/child-divorce-story-of-miranda-b.html). This is so sad to believe that a grown up can do this with their child (children).

Let’s always remember our children are the innocent individuals of the divorce they did not ask to be a part of it and they should not be brought into it. I don’t care how old they are they do not need to know the gory details of our break-ups!

If there is a break-up of a marriage or partnership lets be strong enough to keep our children out of it; let’s try to not make our kids our buddy who we can confide in. Instead let’s help them through this horrible thing the very fact that their family is breaking up is huge event in their lives we do not need to make them a pawn in our game. Not to mention it is a game that no one ever really wins at! To hear how adult children grow up feeling and dealing with issues that stem back to their parents divorce is sad. Or to hear how an adult child learns that their dad always tried to connect with them but their mother never allowed it to happen is heart breaking. Or how the non-custodial parent is giving their fare share and is trying to be there for their children by taking them to school and giving extra money to the other parent is still not good enough. Because the parent who has the kids continues to talk bad about the other parent to their children giving fuel the children to dislike the other parent. So sad! Unless the divorce was due to some sort of danger to the child do not make your issues about the other parent become your child’s issue.

I made it a point of never telling my kids anything about our divorce. The reason was a grown up issue a parent issue and it had nothing to do with our children. I also did not make it a point of ever saying anything bad about their dad nor did I allow anyone else to say anything bad about their dad ever. From time to time my kids would ask why their dad and I got a divorce and my reply to them was always the same… if you really want to know and you are ready to hear the truth I will tell you but you really need to be ready to hear the truth. If you are not ready to hear grown up things that is OK, then go play – they would stop and think for a moment and would always run off to play instead. I was glad that it turned out that way always because if they said they wanted to hear I was not going to tell them anyway. It was not till they each graduated from high school that independently they asked why we did their dad and I divorce? They each added that they indeed were now the real reason and not the made up story they had in their mind.

When my son was younger he would ask over an over again if his daddy left because I said “oh baloney” to him? I always told him no and then I made sure never to say that to my son because I guess I had said it to his dad. I never wanted him to think that if I said “oh baloney” he would be gone. Once I would tell my son that was not the reason he would say “OK” and run off to play.

What are your thoughts about this subject? Please feel free to leave a comment, it would be appreciated.

My ex did not live in the same state as us and that had its good points and bad points but I always encouraged him to call the kids as often as possible. The calls came in at first once a week then every other week then shortly maybe once month. They did not see him for till about a year later then after that not till nine years later. If my kids wanted to send him a gift or write a letter or send a picture I always helped them to do so. I never wanted them to feel that I was keeping them away from him. Unfortunately since their never received much contact except for once a year at Christmas my kids stopped wanting to send him things or try to call him. However, even than I never talked bad about their dad nor allowed anyone to say anything bad about him to them. My kids tell me that they are glad that I never did say bad things about their dad. Now as they are older they have each tried to rebuild a relationship with their dad and he is trying to bridge the gap he created with them.

This is just one of the issues Parenting On Your Own is going to be dealing with in terms of how to help a parent navigate through the road map of divorce or a breakup and how to do it with the least amount of anxiety to the child then what they will already be feeling. Stay tuned the Launch will be in late November.

This is our kids just before the our divorce happened weren't they two adorable little kids? They loved their dad and their mom. It was heart wrenching enough to watch them go through the divorce I did not want to add anything more that would only add to their poor little broken hearts. I did not want them to think or feel that it was their fault that their dad left I made sure of that. Though this issue would pop up from time to time and we would deal with it each time that it did.

The smiles on their little faces back then would turn into sad little faces but we worked through it all. I read books on divorce and children, I went to counseling, took the kids to a couple of counseling sessions and I joined some groups as well. I wanted to learn how to cope and deal for myself as well as for my children. And, I must say I am pretty darn proud of my two kids they are the best despite the divorce we all went through!      

FYI I also never told them that their dad was confused and that he really did love them in his own kind of way. I did not tell them anything like that because I did not want them growing up thinking that love meant it was OK to be hurt, sad and confused. That it was OK to be a dad and not be a part of their children’s lives. I can’t tell you how many adults I have spoken to who have issues with showing love and giving love because they had a parent who was not in their life. I shall save this topic for another day.

What are your thoughts? Please leave a comment and let me know what you think or what your thought is on the subject!

And, so it goes…

School Has Started! Oh No Now What...

Here is something to think about… even though it’s time for school again which means you have added details and more to your To Do list for the morning and night keep in mind our kids just keep on growing-up!

You see it’s a funny thing but no matter what we do it just happens in a blink of an eye! Our job is to try and make it as easy as possible for them to learn and grow in a positive manner. The fact that we are parents in a one-parent household does not mean our kids don’t grow as fast or that their issues aren’t as small or big as the next kid. Being a parent in a one-parent family doesn't also mean we cannot have access to the same things a two-parent family has in order to raise successful and positive youth!

Which is what Parenting On Your Own is being developed into a place you can go to for help and to have accessibility to tools/resources online that you can use as well as ideas. I cannot stress enough that it’s important to use the village around you and the resources it has to offer you to help raise your kids.  Using what is around you can make your life and your children’s life easier then doing it on your own.

You see before you know it, that little one will be doing this…

 Your child can also become the Salutation Speaker at their graduation!

And, so it goes...

After School Day Care, What Do We Do?

After school whether you are a one-parent family or a two-parent family daycare issues regarding after school is a tough one. I asked a good friend of mine what is her biggest issue with kids returning back to school after the summer and she said “after school care!”

This was an area I dealt with all the way through high school yes, I did say through high school. In fact my kids would say “come on, we don’t need a sitter anymore!” A sitter no but an accountability partner yes!

So what did I do well I think I have mentioned it before but I used throughout school age several different resources and I know you all will have at least one of these resources.

YMCA, the city (through Parks and Recreation) we lived in was Montebello, as well as the school and last but not least my mother. I never wanted to burnout grandma so I mixed in the other three sources throughout their school days. And, though we did have their dad’s mom in the picture I was able to have her step in on emergency sitting time.

Remember it takes a “village raise a child” and that is how I always looked any of my child raising issues, who in my village could help me. Yes, even though you use someone from your village there is a cost or a fee that you will have to pay. I would like to mention here that you should never, absolutely never be afraid or ashamed to ask if there is any kind of a program for low income families. Also keep in mind if you have more then one child there are always special rates for the second child. Another great source is Boys & Girls Club. 

My children have a special relationship with their grandma because of the time they spent with her. And, yes there were times I would be so tired after work and knowing that I had still take my mom home would bug me but then I was always grateful for her help!

On our website once it launches you will find much more information such as actual locations with names and numbers that can become part of your village. The resources page will also have discounts for your family to use keep an eye out for it late November 2012.

Here is a picture from one of my daughters first day of school during her elementary school days...

You know it does not matter what grade our children are in we still worry about them and want the best for them. I hope the few little suggestions I made may help you and if you have some suggestions not mentioned Please leave a comment it will be appreciated! 

And, so it goes…    

First Day of School!

It is the first day after Labor Day which means our kids are now back to school and for most parents there is a sigh of relief! However, there are a lot of parents (myself included) the thought is OMG now I have to have my after-school day care in order, plus it means my budget now goes up again!

What is your biggest issue with after-school care? What have you done to overcome this obstacle? What suggestions can you give?

I will be back on Thursday with my input but I’m hoping maybe we will get some feed back here as well.

Happy First Day of School for the year!

And, so it goes...

The Survivor Tree & 9/11 Memorial Visit

There are so many pictures and stories of my trip and yet this one grabs at my heart. The picture below is from the 911 Memorial of the Survivor Tree. This tree is a symbol of standing tall and survival it’s story is amazing… the short end of it is that it was planted at the original World Trade Center plaza in the 1970s and workers found it damaged, it was reduced to an eight-foot-tall stump in the wreckage at Ground Zero. It was removed and taken to a New York park to be nurtured back to health and in December 2011 it was returned to WTC site healthy and 30 feet tall and full of strength! It is planted to the west of the south pool and it represents the fallen South Tower there is no plaque that speaks of it and why it is there or what it has been through. But for those who read about it or have heard about it they are amazed by it.

I believe the awe of it, is something that is personal to each person and to be in its presences makes you ponder on what it has been through, what it has seen and how it is able to still stand.  Standing before it and on the grounds of the 9/11 Memorial was so overwhelming I cannot begin to describe it!

I look at this tree and I can’t help but think how it can correlate to families and individuals who go through life’s challenges and situations they can let the challenges and situations beat them down or they can be survivors! There is so much to be learned by this tree and site, I am grateful that I had the opportunity to be in its presence. I am grateful that I had the opportunity to visit and reflect on that day when I woke up to my kids yelling that I had to hurry and see what was going on. The fear that we all had was the same as everyone else and wondering what was next was scary for everyone. I can’t help but think of all the men, women and children that lost their lives there, what happened to their families and how they had to go on living and become survivors.

After being there I think I can and will always remember the Survivor Tree and the entire grounds of the 9/11 Memorial for what it stands for “Strength” and  “Courage”! You know we all have access to strength and courage within ourselves!

How can you take a story like this and correlate it to something that has happen to you?

Here are several pictures and a video of the grounds at the 9/11 Memorial

What you see just before getting in line to enter the 9/11 Memorial Grounds

One of many pictures that you see while in line

Very moving picture inside just before getting to the grounds - it shows a before pix, the day of and today

Looking up into the Survivor Tree

The Survivor Tree is held down just to help her out in the case of severe weather! 

The South Pool

A video of the South Pool

The following pictures and video was taken outside of the 911 Memorial across the street from it...

The Freedom Towers was given it’s name during the process however, once it is completed in 2012 it will be known by it’s legal name One World Trade Center complex in Lower Manhattan. It will have 104 stories. It is being constructed in the northwest corner of the 16 acre World Trade Center site, where the original one stood. It will be the third tallest building in the world.

There are also three other high-rise office buildings on the site as well all part of the World Trade Center complex along with the National 9/11 memorial & Museum.

My video of what I saw in regards to the the Freedom Tower and the three other buildings on the site: