Carry On...

I know yesterday I was going to make a new post however, there was a family emergency and I found myself driving from Southern CA to Northern CA and along the way at 12 noon I lost my aunt to a brain aneurysm. I spoke to her on Wednesday the 12th and was looking forward to coming up in July and the next thing I know on Monday I received the phone call letting me know she was in the ICU.

I called her to give her and update on the new business which is what I wanted to write about today or yesterday. However, I will save that for next Wednesday. Instead I really just wanted to share with all of you how she was such a source of strength for my kids and I. She and my uncle were always there and always in support my uncle would always take my son off to show him how to do things like wood carving and throwing a ball. He always told me he wished we lived closer so he could be more of an influence for him and my auntie would always be there for me to talk to, to share with, to help me work out issues. I did have the wonderful opportunity to tell her how much I loved and admire both of them

I always told my kids they my aunt and uncle were the models to look at in regards to marriage and team work as a couple.

You know there is so much more to say but I have to run to go meet my uncle and cousins.

By the way I wrote "Carry On" as the title of this post because that is what my auntie said at the end of her conversations always. And, it is so true now it's time for us to "Carry On".

I shall return with so much more!

And, so it goes...

The Tin Can Phone...

Do you all remember the shoestring can telephone? It's funny how that then turned into telling one person one thing and they in turn tell someone else and of course the whole thing is distorted, i'm sure you know what I'm talking about.

You can tell your kids one thing they in turn tell their sibling something completely different from what you said or better yet one of your kids hears a conversation that you are having and they in turn take it and run with it. And, of course what they heard is all wrong and then you have to try and fix it all or sometimes you just leave it alone.

Yesterday, I was on Facebook when a friend posted that she was going to live in London for 15 months! I thought wow, then I thought wait a minute she has two kids in high school and is running a non-profit she is not going anywhere any time soon. I remembered she sent me a message that I had not read with list of other women as recipients and I just blew it off, to be quiet honest. I went back to that message and read it and the whole thing was about breast cancer and creating awareness.

I know this is not October which is the normal awareness time for this but June
for me comes with mixed feelings. This month was when my cousin (who was my best friend in the whole world) was born on the 1st and she lost her battle to breast cancer on June 20th 2005. However, good news was three years ago on June 16th  her first and only grandchild was born, who clearly has her grandmother's stubbornness and smile; she is a gorgeous little girl! Therefore I just had to participate and help remind women about breast cancer.

What the message said was to help women to remember about breast cancer it asked that we forward the message to all females in our list. But it asked us to look at a key and find our birth month and next to it would be a destination, we were to make a simple post on our status saying "I am going to... then according to our birth day that would be how long we would be visiting. I did exactly what it asked and sent over 90 women the message just as it was sent to me.  My post read "I am going to London for 18 months" that is all I typed.  The thought was all these women would be posting where they were going and for how long which would make the men wonder what the heck was going on.

Shortly after making my post wow, oh wow did my Facebook blow-up so many people wondering why I was going, some asking what the heck happened, some asking if they could come stay with me, others asking if they could join me, others just telling me how awesome and to have fun; while others asking why am I just up and leaving? If the response came from a female I in turn re sent the message so they hopefully  know what was really going on.

Keep in mind that I am in the middle of making changes as I mentioned in previous blog postings about moving my parenting program from a website to this blog. I am also right in the beginning stages of building a new business that is starting off so Great (the information on the new business as to why and how will be my next post next week on Wednesday)!   As I just mentioned the new business just started and I truly have not even done an official launch and many individuals know I am doing this. at this. Even though the minute I posted that I was going to London for 18 months the messages, text messages and phone calls started.

I also had a friend post a joke that I met a man who was taking me to London to meet his family! In turn one of my daughters friends saw the post (neither of my kids are on Facebook) and he started texting and calling her. So of course she called me and wanted to know what the heck was going on!

She was so upset though she did say I know this isn't true but... So I told her all about the breast cancer awareness thing and so on and so on. She laughed about it and said her friend was so insistent that I was indeed running off to London with this man I met online (boy did the story grow)!

I couldn't believe how many individuals just took it for grant it that if I said I was going to London then I must be going without even thinking what about my new business or asking me why I was leaving!

I just thought it was so funny - I could not stop laughing the entire night! My son will laugh so hard when he hears this story and he will say that's why I'm not on there.


It was like I was playing the telephone game!


But to bring it back home in reference to children and raising them on our own... I remember the days I would say one thing to my son who in turn would run and tell his sister something different and she would then run to me and ask why.

Then there was the time my daughter overheard my mother and I talking about some things and swore that we were talking about me sending them to live with their dad for always! She was so upset, I believe it was right after that incident that a new house rule was if you heard something you had to bring it up to the person you heard it from to check to see if it was real. I guess I shall be having people reaching out to me for some time asking me when I will be leaving. Actually, I think at some point I will have to mention that I am not going anyway but to the top with my new business and helping single parents through my blog!!

One time my son was in front of the TV with one of his favorite shows on, he had his dinosaurs out playing with them and his farm animal set out as well and a magazine that had an article about dinosaurs. My sister sat next to me on the sofa we were just across from him in the living room - she wanted to talk about a going to a movie with her later that week. I asked her to wait till later to talk to me about this and she said "why, Shawn is way too busy over there to hear us!" Just then he turned around and said "I heard you say that, what movie is sister & I going to go see?" I then turned and looked at her and said "see he heard every word despite all that was going on around him!"

Oh wait, there was the big issue of my son hearing my daughter and her friends talking about no Santa Clause!! That was huge but it all turned out OK, save this topic for much later in the year.

Moral of this story is... little ears are always listening even if you think they are not! Big ears don't necessarily here every word or they don't stop to think about what they heard, they just react!

And, so it goes...

Hot off the press... if you live in the Los Angeles area on Saturday, August 3rd Parenting on your own will be having a Champagne Celebration to celebrate the new business Mama Cheesecake and Parenting on your own.  It will be hosted by An Empowered Women organization and the exciting part is that I will be interviewing Founder, Desiree Doubrox, a divorced mom who raised her two boys in a one parent family home while creating businesses to support them! Check out their site at http://www.anempoweredwoman.com/about/ .  And, this amazing women has been an entrepreneur since the age of 12!

Keep your eyes out for detail or if you want to get on our list now click here:
https://anempoweredwoman.infusionsoft.com/app/form/test/bec196027f074b26b5a659a00027b02d?inf_contact_key=0f87383e53ddc86a906cbc6d177388c5 

your

My Mother's Day Thoughts...

I had started a post once I got home from my relaxing Mother’s Day but was thrilled to have received the note from Alicia Marie to please post her as a guest blogger. So, my post is a bit past the date of Mother’s Day however, the thoughts are there and I did type this out on the 12^th.

I look forward to sharing with you all another guest blogger coming up with in the next two weeks.

Enjoy the read…

May 12, 2013,

Today is Mother’s Day and we all went over to my daughter’s home for dinner. It was a late start as usual (why try to pretend we are early folks cause we are not) it was myself, my sister, my mother, my brother, father, one niece, as well as my son and daughter in-law. It was wonderful I did nothing but sit, watch TV, chat with the family and just enjoy the day.

They had some great gifts (which they did not need to do) for my mother and I as well as for my sister (they know she was always around for them). Both my mom and sister helped us out along the way as we did the single parent family thing. Despite telling them (my kids) that they do not need to buy gifts they do it anyway. It’s not the gifts but the time we all get to share with one another that is so very precious to me!

My son and daughter in-law gave me a book and they each wrote a loving dedication in it to me so sweet. My daughter gave me a cute card along with a gift certificate but it was what was written in the card and in the dedication in book that brought me to tears. As proud of me as they are I truly hope they know how proud of them I am! They both tell me they are who they are because of me and yet I am the women I am today because of them!

I was once asked how was I able to teach my kids to be such awesome adults and I thought about it and here is what I said…

I knew I had to be strong to teach them strength, I had to be fair (to a degree) to teach them fairness, I had to treat them with respect in order to receive it from them and I had to fall from time to time to show them that they will always be able to get back up no matter what happens to them!

You know this single parenting thing is/was a tough job but then parenting in general is a tough job, right?

Long live the three musketeers, who have grown and added to their tribe a wonderful daughter in-law and in the future a son in-law and who knows what else is in store for us..

And, so it goes…

In Celebration of Mom!

I'm a bit behind regarding my May 10^th kick-off however, I'm very excited with what I have in store for those of you who are checking in and reading this blog. Hopefully we get some more comments because the more comments the more interaction and sharing is always a great thing, right?

I want to take this week and the rest of this month to talk and honor moms who are raising their kids on their own. Don’t worry dad’s I know there are a lot of you as well and June is right around the corner which means all the single dads raising their kids on their own will have a chance. I know we can all learn from each other! 

As I promised I do not want to be the only one writing here and I have invited some pretty awesome moms to share their thoughts about raising their kids. What they have learned, what they have gone through and just sharing with all of us.

If you know a mom that we should be hearing from please contact me at mlopez@parentingonyourown.com let me know about who you are thinking of and please leave your name and phone number as well as e-mail. Also leave me a brief history about the mom you feel that others need to hear from. 

Lets begin... This first mom is awesome she raised her kids on her own. She is the founder of an amazing business called People biz, Inc which is a national coaching and training organization based in Austin, TX. That supports client’s measurable transformation in realizing their personal and professional goals. You can obtain Business Coaching, Executive Coaching, Leadership Programs, Wellness Programs and so much more. I have personally taken a business program with People biz, Inc through Count Me In, for women's economic Independence as well as a couple of here other programs and she as well as her team is amazing! You can connect with Alicia via FaceBook and please feel free to go to her business site at http://www.peoplebizinc.com/ -- if you are a mom or dad who is trying to figure out how to get a business up and running they are the people to go to!

I read her post from May 12^th and I knew I had to get permission to post it here for all of my readers to enjoy as much as I did. She was thrilled that I asked and told me yes please share.

OK, more info to follow but for now let’s take a read from Alicia Marie:

Being Fierce & Motherhood: 

Fierce is not mean, judgmental or angry; Fierce is an energy I learned /honed and sharpened from motherhood. I remember first feeling it when holding my first born. No one , no circumstance would ever get in the way of my loving him and caring for him. Fierce contains determination and is unstoppable. It came in handy as a "young mother" when I had to figure out how to put food on the table or manage my highly energetic child who seemingly never slept. 

Being fierce is a wise and spiritual energy and made having my last two sons at home a "no brainer". I learned that the body has it's own wisdom and knows what to do. 

It arose when "authority" such as teachers, doctors, friends and family questioned my parenting choices. 

Fierceness had me educate myself to support my family. It took hold when my children needed me the most and kept me faithful & courageous when they were learning life's lessons. Instead of trying to save them from the world. They learned to be bold. It kept me from interfering with "who" they were as they struggled to find their own way. 

Oh and I learned the "look' You know the "look". The one that stops your child dead in their tracks not from fear but because mom just drew the line in the sand. Fierceness was inclusive because it contained respect for myself and them. Fierceness allowed me to never need them to love me and taught them to love themselves versus look for it outside themselves. 

I never wanted to be a mother because I didn't think I would be good one. I always knew however each child was an unexpected and unplanned blessing and trusted that God would show me the way. 

Just as my mother was absolutely the perfect mother for who I have become somehow I was right for them. Their cards and calls to thank me and acknowledge me today was nice but it is no comparison to watching them live their lives with authenticity and strength. Now, they are grown men I am super proud of, not because of what they have done but because of who they are..."Fierce". 

I am forever grateful for this lesson of motherhood. I carry it with me everyday. Maybe God does have a plan for us all. 

Thank you Alicia for allowing me to take your facebook post and to share it here on my blog!

And, so it goes...

Who Are We? Do We Truly Know?

I was going to bed when I chose to take a quick peak at facebook and a friend had shared this video that was very moving about women and how they see themselves or how how they are. It was very moving and I could see why this would be huge for women to watch however, I would like to take it a step further...

How many of you out there think that you are just getting by? That this single parenting thing is really tough and you are not good at it? That your kids don't appreciate you and all that you do for them?

How many of you think that you must look a mess because of all the running around you do?

Well the truth is more then likely you don't really see yourself in the same light as others see you! Chances are your kids think your pretty darn amazing they just don't tell you all the time :)  Also think about how many times have you heard "Oh my God how do you do it all by yourself?"

We are a pretty amazing group of parents who give up on a lot to assure that our children have what they need and feel that they have just as great a family as Timmy down the street with two parents in the same household! Don't ever forget that single parents are pretty amazing and we are raising some pretty awesome kids or we have raised some pretty awesome kids!

Watch this short 3 minute video...

 
And, so it goes...

Changes, changes...

Sometimes without you noticing or without you realizing things change, circumstances change and you find yourself asking questions. Like am I going in the right direction, should I scrap what I am doing, do I ask for help, should I seek advice from someone or do I just give up?

I'm at that point not about what Parenting on your own is about but how I have been trying to go about it. I saw a vision in my head of what I wanted to do which is to help redefine what the outcome is for one-parent families for both the parent and the children. My vision is when a parent or child seeks information they find great and positive information about one-parent families (single parent families). I know I wanted a blog to help me tell the story of how I did it I raised two wonderful children from the age of 3 and 7 and I am so proud of them and always have been. Sure some may say well of course your proud of them your their mom but really I am! They are the reason I am who I am! They are the reason I want to share and find others who will share with as many parents who find themselves parenting on their own so they can raise children who are not afraid to go out and make their mark on the world. Who will not look at their family and say "we are not a real family cause we are missing a dad or a mom! A parent who does not have to feel alone or who wants more for their life and their children's life but want to find a way to do this! This has been my dream, my goal to help make this happen so that all the trials and tribulations we went through were for not.

So NO, I am not scraping my idea just changing it, revising it instead of making a huge website and charging a fee I'm moving it all to right here a blog, blog that is accessible to all. Where I can and will have guest bloggers, interviews, and individuals who know they can make a difference!

I'm asking that for those of you who have been checking in from time to time don't give up on us because we are coming back bigger and stronger then ever! May 10th will be our roll out, this is when we will roll back the curtains and show you what we have.

I can't wait!  Now listen up if you have an issue or a topic that you would like to have discussed or researched done on the topic then leave a comment and if you would rather send it personally then send to our e-mail box mlopez@parentingonyourown.com. If you do not want to have your name shared let me know and it will not be add it into the post or to the discussion of the topic you request.

Have an awesome rest of the month though before the big roll out I will be back to do a few more post.

And, so it goes...    

Routines... Do We Need Them or Not?

We tend to forget about routines or we let them fall to the side at times when things get crazy but do we realize just how important they are to our children and to ourselves?  I know sometimes it's tough to stick to a routine but in the end it is so important! I remember when my kids were very small and I was married we had routines then once the split occurred I tried to keep the same routines and it just did not work. I had to come up with a whole new set of routines that would work for my one-parent family.

Lets face it as a single mom or dad it is imperative to have a routine in order to keep our lives running as smooth as possible. Without a routine when would I ever get to bed or do the bills or even have time to sit and read or write or watch TV if I chose to? I was just reminded of this today by a reader as to the importance of it and thought I would use this as my topic today.

I say YES, routines are needed children need to know that things will be the same for the most part, such as... they have to go to school but that they come home again. You have to go to work but you come home at the end of the day. Homework was done while I was getting dinner ready or if they were able to they did it with their grandma or at after school care. Another routine that was a must was we all sit down together for dinner without the TV on. Toys had to be put away before bed time or if homework was not done this was their time to get it done! My favorite routine and I know my kids enjoyed it was before lights out we would read a book together. We had a book that was part of a series that we read called Krystonian Adventures, we would all get into the reading of it and would even act out the characters in story. Of course these are all great routines right? 

But lets be real sometimes it did not always go that way I was an executive administrator to the President & CEO of a large mental health agency in Los Angeles and if we had a board meeting that meant I was working right into the night. Or if it was a Tuesday or Thursday night I had class which meant there was no dinner all together there was no reading of our beloved Krystonian Adventures! I must say on those nights things just never worked out right but it was what it was. However, my kids sure did look forward to the nights we would read and they would remind me when we did not read. I later learned how important the going to school and work and all returning at the end of the day was to my son. Who later told me he worried that I would not return, remember his dad left and said he would see him later but did not for nine long years (another issue to tackle on an other post)! As my kids got older we did not always read... I would spend time speaking with each of them before lights out or just after lights were out  about what ever was on their mind. I know my daughter really enjoyed this cause it was her time with me! 

OK, so that was my family what about your family? What are you thoughts on this subject - routines do we need them with our kids or not? Share your thoughts! Maybe share what some of your routines are with us, leave a comment that we can all read, you just might be helping someone out. Also if you were raised in a one-parent family what kind of routines did you have which ones made sense to you and which did not? Which routines did you incorporate into your life now that you are grown? I look forward to hearing or reading your comments.

And, so it goes...