The Survivor Tree & 9/11 Memorial Visit

There are so many pictures and stories of my trip and yet this one grabs at my heart. The picture below is from the 911 Memorial of the Survivor Tree. This tree is a symbol of standing tall and survival it’s story is amazing… the short end of it is that it was planted at the original World Trade Center plaza in the 1970s and workers found it damaged, it was reduced to an eight-foot-tall stump in the wreckage at Ground Zero. It was removed and taken to a New York park to be nurtured back to health and in December 2011 it was returned to WTC site healthy and 30 feet tall and full of strength! It is planted to the west of the south pool and it represents the fallen South Tower there is no plaque that speaks of it and why it is there or what it has been through. But for those who read about it or have heard about it they are amazed by it.

I believe the awe of it, is something that is personal to each person and to be in its presences makes you ponder on what it has been through, what it has seen and how it is able to still stand.  Standing before it and on the grounds of the 9/11 Memorial was so overwhelming I cannot begin to describe it!

I look at this tree and I can’t help but think how it can correlate to families and individuals who go through life’s challenges and situations they can let the challenges and situations beat them down or they can be survivors! There is so much to be learned by this tree and site, I am grateful that I had the opportunity to be in its presence. I am grateful that I had the opportunity to visit and reflect on that day when I woke up to my kids yelling that I had to hurry and see what was going on. The fear that we all had was the same as everyone else and wondering what was next was scary for everyone. I can’t help but think of all the men, women and children that lost their lives there, what happened to their families and how they had to go on living and become survivors.

After being there I think I can and will always remember the Survivor Tree and the entire grounds of the 9/11 Memorial for what it stands for “Strength” and  “Courage”! You know we all have access to strength and courage within ourselves!

How can you take a story like this and correlate it to something that has happen to you?

Here are several pictures and a video of the grounds at the 9/11 Memorial

What you see just before getting in line to enter the 9/11 Memorial Grounds

One of many pictures that you see while in line

Very moving picture inside just before getting to the grounds - it shows a before pix, the day of and today

Looking up into the Survivor Tree

The Survivor Tree is held down just to help her out in the case of severe weather! 

The South Pool

A video of the South Pool

The following pictures and video was taken outside of the 911 Memorial across the street from it...

The Freedom Towers was given it’s name during the process however, once it is completed in 2012 it will be known by it’s legal name One World Trade Center complex in Lower Manhattan. It will have 104 stories. It is being constructed in the northwest corner of the 16 acre World Trade Center site, where the original one stood. It will be the third tallest building in the world.

There are also three other high-rise office buildings on the site as well all part of the World Trade Center complex along with the National 9/11 memorial & Museum.

My video of what I saw in regards to the the Freedom Tower and the three other buildings on the site:

Team Work or Just A Nice Serenade

Here's another little story with a video from my New York trip something to think about or not.

We were running off to another location and as usual we going to our class once we got to the subway and jumped on the train at the next stop a man and his daughter got on. The daughter had a hat and was passing it around and the father played his accordion the music was nice to hear in the morning.

They were a team working together we talked about it and wondered were they a team, did they make their money for the family this way? In general it made you wonder what their story was of course we will never know what their story is we can only guess.

I would like to believe that it was team work and they did this to earn extra money for their family and in doing so I had some wonderful music to start off my day. The state of New York allows this and they actually obtain a permit or contract with the city to play in the subway, just an FYI. Sometimes we want to put a story where there is none it is just what it is and that is all. If I took a look at all the reasons why I should not continue moving forward with this business I would become frozen in my own tracks with all the stories I could create. Instead I chose to not listen to the stories or create stories and just do! 

What do you think?

It Takes A Village To Raise A Child

No matter where we were in New York we found that New Yorkers wanted to help us half the time we did not even have to ask for help they just came up to us and helped! I think what people don’t understand is that life is like that if we allow it to and sometimes we have to take a step towards someone or even ask them for help. We have a tendency to not reach out but I promise if you do you will receive it!

The picture below is a New York gal who saw the five us trying to get the gate to open with our tickets for the subway and we were could not get that gate to open for us. She walked up to us and showed us how to do and then stayed right by each of us to assure that we got through the gate in order to catch the subway to our class!

In putting together the site for one-parent families I understood that I was going to need help that I could not do it alone though I tried but I failed. Then I was lucky enough to become involved Count Me In for women’s economic independence and I heard CEO  Nell Merlino say “No one can do it alone, we all need help and that is why we are here” To become part of their community has been nothing short of amazing! I know that this site/community will be huge for all one-parent families if they chose to reach out to the help that will be there for them.

In relation to my one-parent family in the beginning I thought “How am I going to be able to raise these kids alone” I would lay awake trying to figure it out at the start. Then I heard a statement by  First Lady of the United States Hillary Rodham Clinton and she said “ It takes a village to raise a child” way back then I took those words to heart, You know what it was freeing to me because I realized what she said was true whether you are a one-parent family or a two-parent family it still takes a village to raise a child.

I had to create that village and I had to figure out what I needed then figure out who I could ask to help me make it happen. I needed some after school help my mom needed a little R&R from child watching so I asked around and found that the city actually had after school centers at each school and guess what they worked on a sliding scale! They also worked with me regarding payment since my paydays did not match the first of the month payment! They had so much fun at the center and for that moment in time it was so helpful to me and my children. Just like my New York trip on another subway ride we jumped on but we were not sure if we were going the right way so we were saying we better ask someone… just then one of the conductors (see picture below) came on board as well and he walked right up to us and asked where did we want to go. We told him and told us where to get off and which way to go and told us to have a great day!

That is what our community Parenting On Your Own is all about our website is going down because construction work is starting now! I am so excited about this entire process so I hope you keep checking back to see what other stories I have regarding my trip to New York and how it relates.

Have an awesome day and don’t forget it’s OK to ask for help and No On absolutely No One does it alone!

And, so it goes…

My Personal Thoughts on Statistics...

First and foremost sorry I did say that I would post today my thoughts on all the statistics I have been posting however, I have had internet issues for the last couple of days. I believe it is all cleared up now or so I'm told it is, so without delay here is my information. I apologize in advance also for the long posting - I hope you will read this to the end and share the post as well as leave a comment!

What Do All of These Statistics Mean To Me? 

To be honest I detest giving any life to these statistics (which I believe happens each time they are read) and yet people want to know. For me when I give or print out statistics or as I do updates with new searches regarding statistics for single parent families I end up feeling so drained, as well as sad and after a bit I become angry! I have to remind myself that statistics are nothing more then numbers that are generated by studies, questionnaires and census. Numbers do tell a story but they are not always accurate and for the most part they do not tell the story in a positive manner! Remember numbers can be skewed, be changed and not tell the whole story.   

This is my personal statement with regards to the statistics I have been posting:

For my family and many others that I know who’s family are referred to as “single parents” I would like to point out a few things such as I worked full-time, attend classes off & on part-time, and I tried to out many different home based business (part-time) to help with income while raising my two children from the ages of 3 & 7. From this point forward I would rather say “one-parent family” than single parent because we are also a family! Again this is regarding me and many one-parent families that I know who has raised or raising their families without assistance from the State, County, or Government programs of any kind! My two children graduated from High School one of them was in the top 10% and Solitarian of her graduating class! The other graduated from high school and received awards for his attendance through out his education and I was personally thanked by his teachers and counselors for bring him to their school! They were not drop outs nor ever arrested or incarcerated, they were not runaways or tried to commit suicide and neither of my children were teenage parents. I am proud of my children and they are just as good as any child from any two-parent family and I must say I did a pretty good job despite what is written out there in terms of what should have happened to them while growing up in a one-parent family!

I worked full-time all year round and I received higher then average salaries. And, I am proud to state once again that I never received Public Assistance of any kind nor did other one-parent families that I knew and know of today. I also did many home based businesses to help bring in extra income when we needed it for everything from school trips to vacations.

I was lucky to have had help from my sister and my mother was my sitter at my home while I worked. Their other grandmother and grandfather from their father’s side was also a great help to us as the children were growing up.

My children had male influences from both uncles (not boyfriends) and grandfathers from both sides of their families. Their father was not involved in their upbringing nor did he live in California. My child support was almost nothing it was under $700.00 a moth and I know many one-parent families with even less then $500 as child support to nothing. I learned a lot about community and I am a huge supporter of the saying “It takes a village to raise a child”!

I know moms and dads who have built businesses and completed higher education all while raising upstanding children as a one-parent family. I know children who come from two-parent families and they cannot say that they were not teen moms or dads. That they finished their high school education and so and so on.

There are a lot of Moms and Dads from one-parent families that need to see the other side of the coin and learn that the numbers they read are just in fact numbers. That their kids do not need to be part of the statistics they read about. Children who read this information should know that they do not have to be part of the statistics.

They should have a place to go to where they can read about the positive side of being part of a one-parent family! Did you know that it’s a fact that children have a stronger bond with their parent while growing up and as adults who come from a one-parent family rather then a two-parent family?  Did you know that children know and understand their community and the resources (like park and recreation activities, city council and city organizations) that are their for them more from one-parent families then from two-parent families?

Children should be able to find and hear about children who were raised or being raided in a one-parent family who are successful, with school and their lives! We all should be able to see and hear about this because the fact is whether we like it or not one-parent families are here and they are not going away. We become one-parent families sometimes because of divorce, because a relationship fails, a teen pregnancy, or a death, most times we are not looking for it. However, more then ever, one-parent families are created because an individual wants to share their love, time and money with a child through birth or adoption and there is nothing wrong with that. 

This is why the online membership community Parenting On Your Own has been created! This site has resources that will be available to tell the story on the good side verses all the bad negative information we find on the internet and in books. Of one-parent families who are doing great, of a parent that is studying to earn their higher education degree, of the child who was raised in a one-parent home who is doing well and is a thriving and a contributing person to society.  Articles along the same line on our blog, the highlighting of a one-parent family and what they have gone through and what they are doing to raise healthy and thriving children. The site will also connect the one-parent family to organizations and businesses in their communities.  

In general the Mission of Parenting On Your Own is to…

Empower one-parent families to feel that they have the same social connections and resources as couples do, so they can create happy vibrant children on their own!

Go to our temporary website at parentingonyourown.com go to the click here button to complete a survey; help design this site to be what your family is looking for. Go to our guest page and leave us a note and your contact information (FYI no one will be able to see your contact information but our web person). Then keep an eye out for our big launch party if you leave your contact information on the “guest page” we will keep you in the loop of things. We are also putting together some great webinars, tele-classes and interviews as sneak previews! If your not from a one-parent family I’m sure you know someone who is send them our way! Also if you have children but are from a two-parent family and are thinking this site is not for you… I’m sure there are times you find yourself alone with your child for a meal or rushing them to school or to pick them after school or at day care because your spouse is unavailable due to work. Or your spouse is in the military and are on deployment – well guess what you are a one-parent family at that time!

Thank you for taking time to read all of the information and my thoughts! Sorry this was soooo long!

And, so it goes…

3 of 3 Post Regarding Statistics

Here is my 3^rd post on statistics for single parent families regarding the parent and their children as I promised. On Thursday of this week I shall give my thoughts on all of the statistics I have posted. There are so many statistics out there and they all seem to go from worse to far worse and as you will read the following statistics were taken in the 90’s.   

Here is a quote to read first I hope you can take it in before taking in the statistics…

I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.”  

Charles R. Swindoll

By the U.S. Census Bureau in November, 2009:

Children Being Raised in Single Parent Homes:

·        21.8 million children under the age of 21 are being raised by a single parent

·        This represents 26.3% of all children under 21 in the U.S.

Custodial Single Parent Statistics:

·        Mothers represent 82.6% of all custodial parents.

·        Fathers represent 17.4% of all custodial parents.

Single Parent Statistics Regarding Employment:

·        53.7% of custodial single parents work full-time, year-round.

·        27.7% of custodial single parents work either part-time or part-year.

·        18.7% of custodial single parents do not work.

Single Parent Statistics and Poverty:

·        24.6% of all custodial parents and their children earn less than the Federal poverty level.

·        12.5% of the general population in the U.S. lives in poverty.

Single Parent Statistics and Government Assistance:

·        In 1993, 22% of custodial single parents received Aid to Families With Dependent Children.

·        AFDC is now Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF)

·        In 2007, 4.3% of custodial single parents received TANF.

The following statistics is what adds more fuel to “The Why” a strong online membership community is needed.  Please keep in mind the following information below is from 1991: [Current Populations Reports, US Bureau of the Census, Series P-20, No. 458, 1991]

What does this mean?  Children from fatherless homes are:

• 4.6 times more likely to commit suicide,
• 6.6 times to become teenaged mothers (if they are girls, of course),
• 24.3 times more likely to run away,
• 15.3 times more likely to have behavioral disorders,
• 6.3 times more likely to be in a state-operated institutions,
• 10.8 times more likely to commit rape,
• 6.6 times more likely to drop out of school,
• 15.3 times more likely to end up in prison while a teenager.

(The calculation of the relative risks shown in the preceding list is based on 27% of children being in the care of single mothers.)

and — compared to children who are in the care of two biological, married parents — children who are in the care of single mothers are:

• 33 times more likely to be seriously abused (so that they will require medical attention), and
• 73 times more likely to be killed. 

Part 2 - Single Parent Families Statistics/Numbers

As promised here is part two of statistics regarding single parent families, I did state on Tuesday that I would give you my thoughts on what all these stats mean. However, there are a lot more stats to review and I just hate to give you all of these statistics in one seating it is way too much. In fact when I was hunting them down by the end of the day I was wiped out! It is a lot and the stats are bit harsh, scary and down right sad...

So I hope you don't mind I will in stead post part here for today and then post the other half on Tuesday, July 24th then on Thursday, July 26th I will give you my thoughts!


What's the "average" single parent really like? According to the U.S. Census Bureau...

 She is a Mother:

·        Approximately 84% of custodial parents are mothers

·        16% of custodial parents are fathers

 She is Divorced or Separated:

 Of the mothers who are custodial parents:

·        45% are currently divorced or separated

·        34.2% have never been married

·        19% are married (In most cases, these numbers represent women who have remarried)

·        1.7% were widowed

 Of the fathers who are custodial parents:

·        57.8% are divorced or separated

·        20.9% have never married

·        20% are currently married (In most cases, these numbers represent men who have remarried)

·        Fewer than 1% were widowed

She is Employed:

   79.5% of custodial single mothers are gainfully employed

·        49.8% work full time, year round

·        29.7% work part-time or part-year

·        90% of custodial single fathers are gainfully employed

·        71.7% work full time, year round

·        18.4% work part-time or part-year

She and Her Children Do Not Live in Poverty:

·        27% of custodial single mothers and their children live in poverty

·        12.9% of custodial single fathers and their children live in poverty

She Does Not Receive Public Assistance:

  Among custodial single mothers:

·        22% receive Medicaid

·        23.5% receive food stamps

·        12% receive some form of public housing or rent subsidy

·        5% receive TANF (Temporary Assistance for Needy Families)

She is 40 Years Old or Older:

·        39.1% of custodial single mothers are 40 years old or older

She is Raising One Child:

·        54% of custodial mothers are raising one child from the absent parent

·        46% have two or more children living with them

U.S. Census Bureau in November, 2009

And, so it goes...

Here Are The Statistics Part 1 of 2

Wow, I'm really embarrassed it has been way too long since I last made a post, sorry! I did mention in my last post that I was going to post some statistics. It seems that everyone is looking for stats but as I mentioned in my last post statistics are nothing more then numbers and graphs. I will put some stats here and let you process the stats and then I hope I can hear from some of you leave a comment (if you do please make sure you click on publish or else no one will ever see your comment not even me!).

This coming Thursday (the 19th of July) I shall come back and give you more stats! Next week on Tuesday, July 24th I will give you my thoughts on the numbers I have posted today and for Thursday the 19th of July. 


4 sets of statistics are listed below: 


1.

2.
In the U.S. there are 13.6 million single parents and they are responsible for raising 21.8 million children, the U.S. Census 2009 says this is so. Did you catch these numbers are from 2009? You can break this number down this way... 1 out of every 4th child comes from a one-parent family!

3.

79.5% of custodial single mothers are gainfully employed.

90% of Custodial single fathers are gainfully employed

U.S. Census 2009

4.

Single father homes are the fastest growing type of family situation; the amount of single fathers has grown by 60% in the last ten years alone (www.usalegalcare.com)!

OK, so you may have known these statistics and you may not have till now either way they are out there for anyone to find including our kids! 

Take some time read these numbers, take them in and if you are compelled leave a comment or two or wait till Thursday and then comment on all the different numbers. Let me know what you think or what they mean to you!.

And, so it goes...