A Gift For A Gift...

I was at a meeting with a group of women last week and we were all introducing ourselves when one of them told us how she admired her father for all the work he has done to help her move to California and for her education. She talked about how she wants to give back to her dad not to give back money per say but to show him her appreciation for all he has done for her. It was so sweet and it brought back a wonderful story of my daughter, a pair of earrings how a gift became another gift and in turn another gift.

I had been dating this guy for about three years and he was a wonderful man unfortunately we broke up which was sad for all three of us (this is another story for another day). When we broke-up I tried to give him back some of wonderful presents that he gave me but he would not take them back. One of them was some beautiful diamond earrings (rather large ones). He had told me to keep them that one day if I need money I could always pawn them.

About two years later my daughter was in the 8th grade and was very excited about the big 8th grade trip to Washington DC and New York. The cost was steep however, I knew how much it meant to her to go and be part of the group going and considering she was an excellent student. Money was tight but I knew I would figure out how to raise the funds needed.

I took a cheese cake I had made to work for a pot-luck event and everyone absolutely loved it telling me how delicious it was and even non cheesecake eaters like it! The next day my boss said, "you know Marian why not sell your cheese cakes to help raise money for your daughter's trip." That night after dinner and after the kids went to bed I told my sister what my boss had said and she also thought it was a great idea! So I started working on it right away, finding out the cost and packaging etc... I then asked my sister if she would take samples to work with her, of course she said yes and I took samples to work  as well. It was great I began receiving orders right away I could barely make them fast enough! The money was coming in and I was paying off the cost of the trip it was all very exciting. However, I was short by about three hundred dollars and the deadline was within three days I knew more orders would come in but not in time. I tried to redo my budget but there was no money to be found and I knew we all had worked so hard from both kids, my sister and friends that helped to get the word out. I was sitting on my bed trying to figure out what next... I got up went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror and glaring at me were my beautiful diamond earrings! I could hear Bill saying if you ever need money take the earrings to a pawn shop. I took them in and received $500.00. I was amazed and excited and a bit sad all rolled into one. Once I got home and told my daughter we have the last payment for her trip she let out a squeal and hugged me so tight and said, "Thank You mommy, your the best mommy in the world!" I had money to finish paying the trip off on time and a little extra for bills and to purchase things she needed for the trip. She  had so much fun and upon her trip she must have told me thank you at least 100 times a day always letting me know she was the luckiest girl in the world.

She never knew what I had done with my earrings and though I always said I would go back and them I never did. It just never made sense to me to save up that much money only to buy back those earrings. The way I looked at it was... as beautiful as they were when I need some money they came in very handy. I purchased some fake diamond earrings and no one knew what I had done except my sister and two close friends.

Years later when my daughter was in high school she got her first job which I allowed since she had good grades and was on the honor roll as well as having several honor classes. She begged me to allow her to find a job and I agreed with one stipulation that if her school work suffered or she got sick from doing too much she would have to quit. She promised me that she would continue her school work with out losing her honor roll status or her honor classes and that she would not get sick from doing too much. She wanted to save money to purchase her own car and she knew she not only needed the money for the car but for her auto insurance as well. She found a position as a waitress, she worked and she did a fabulous job at work and at school (again this is another story for another day as well), I was very proud of her.

One evening I was sitting out in the patio with my friends and cousins we were outside talking and laughing after dinner. My son was busy playing with the dog and my daughter was in her room with her music on. Out of the blue one of my friends asked me about the earrings, she wanted to know if I ever went back to buy them back. I replied no and that the ones I was wearing were fake and after all these years my little support group heard the story. I was not worried since my daughter was in her room with music blaring and my son was playing with his dog.

Later that same year on Mother's Day I received a small gift box all wrapped-up with a card from my daughter and son which said. I might not be able to purchase the same size as the ones you gave up for me all so long ago but I hope these will do. When I am older and can afford bigger ones I will take these in and get you larger ones. She went on to tell me how much she loved me and admired me for what I have done for her and her brother over the years. She wanted me to know how thankful they both were. I wondered  what was in this small box, when I opened it and my eyes immediately filled with tears. As they are now just thinking about it, sitting in the small grey box was a pair of the most beautiful earrings I had ever seen they were smaller but to me they were so much bigger then the original ones! I will treasure these diamond earrings for ever, I kissed her and hugged her and my son and asked how did you know? She explained that on that night when we were outside talking she came out of her room when none of us were looking and overheard the entire story. She saved her money and went with her brother to buy the earrings and the ones she wanted to buy was way out of her budget but the sales lady told her you can always come back and buy up.

These are my beautiful diamond earrings

I will never trade these up because they are just the right size - nothing will ever be more beautiful to me!! 

So a gift that was given to me was turned into a gift for my daughter and in turn many years later was given back to me in a different manner that meant so much more to me and continues to symbolize the love between my children and I. 

I hope you enjoyed reading this story and if you have a cute story about gifts and love between you and your child or between you and your parent please share with us and leave a comment. Thank you for stopping by and reading.

And, so it goes...

    

Writers Block or Fear?

I would like to say I have not posted anything new because I had writers block, that I could not put ink to paper or fingers to keys :). I would like to say I just could not figure out what to write about but that’s a joke because if you ask anyone who knows me I never run out of things to say! And, the mere fact that this blog is all about how I raised two incredible children into two incredible adults as well as the trails and tribulations of building this amazing online membership community for one-parent families’ means I should never be out of words!

So then what was the real reason for my lack of posting?

I had been working on obtaining a partner who seemed excited about working with me in getting the business side of this blog up and running. He was going to help us move much faster then what we had been moving on. He had advised that he had the money to help us Launch sooner. However, I’m guessing this person is just busy with their own business and life and it is not their vision/dream. This means our partnership has taken a back seat and we have not made any attempts to solidify the partnership meaning there has not been any further discussion of financial support.

To be completely honest this made me feel as though I was in this alone and doing it on my own which in turn made me shut down a bit. Hey I’m only human J   

Then I thought... "Wait a minute" I can't be sitting on the sidelines waiting for someone to validate that this is a business that is needed when I know first hand that it is! When I have e-mails, phone calls and surveys that tells me it is needed and that families are out there waiting for it to happen. I allowed myself to get lost and feel the fear of building a business. I was allowing the fear of "how am I going to do this" get to me but I woke up! Last night at a business academy class we had a speaker her name is Deborah Peters and she gave me the ole one-two punch! She reminded me that “if it is to be, it is up to me”

Would it be easier to find someone who has money to give, who sees the same vision as I do and help us move at a faster pace? Well of course the answer is YES but as a Peak Performer who goes after their dream, their vision they wait for no one and they figure it out. My word for the day, the week, the month is Collaboration! That is how I started this and that is how I’m going to get this business off the ground!

I have met so many wonderful individuals who get excited when they hear about the site and what we have done so far. I can’t begin to tell you how many connections I have obtained from individuals who just want to help! Even during this short period of time when I was going through my lack of faith period I never gave up entirely. I attended events, jumped on conference calls, was a guest on a local TV show (you can see it here http://youtu.be/qFQ4O30Jnf8) and I spoke about “Parenting on your own” and as I mentioned I did obtain some pretty amazing contacts!

So now it is time to get back up dust myself off and get back to work… You see I was never on my own and I just gave into that fear that made me feel as though I was.

I truly believe and know that this business will be of great service to One-Parent Families every where! The sooner we get this business up and running the sooner we can begin to redefine what type of outcomes a one-parent family can expect to see from their children and from their own lives as the parent of a one-parent family!

I would also like to announce besides getting this site up and running we are obtaining the information regarding the building of a non-profit sector to this business. The non-profit sector will address education and housing for single parents and their families we will especially be working with teen moms to help them understand that the cycle of life can be changed. We will also be open to assisting single moms & dads who are parenting on their own and need extra assistance. Of course we have a lot of research and planning to do this and most likely will not launch till after we get the website up and running, though you just never know! If there is anyone out there who knows all about building a non-profit speak up and contact us at inquiries@parentingonyourown.com or leave us a response here on the blog with your name and e-mail address.  

We are working once again with urgency in order to have a Launch date mid to late April, which means no more days of fear! We shall be working right on through any new fears that may arise because I will not forget that “if it is to be, it is up to me” with a little help from my friends course!

So excited to see this moving once again!

I will be posting again in two days about a lovely story regarding my daughter, some earrings and love! Hmmm, maybe I should have considered posting that story today since it is Valentine’s Day. However I feel that what I wrote today was from my heart and it is a gift I give to each of you who read this today. The gift is… sharing with you that fear is nothing more then a situation and any situation can be dealt with if we chose to. We need to walk through the fear and know that we are never really alone or doing it on our own because there are so many wonderful people out there just waiting to help. We just need to allow ourselves to be open, be ready to accept help and to walk through the fear! So if you are dealing with something that is blocking you from getting what you want… change your thought, make a paradigm shift in your mind and walk through the fear!

What has stopped you from moving forward with what you want?

What fear have you been holding onto that has turned into a story?

Or how were you able to push through the fear or the block and move forward?

Share with us your story we would all love to hear how you walked through your fears. Or if you need a little extra help to overcome your fear leave us a note at inquiries@parentingonyourown.com     

I am so excited to be back in the game and I will continue to play as a Peak Performer because I know how much “Parenting on your own” will assist one-parent families that want help and are looking for help!  

By the way we are working on Plan B in terms of financing and it’s pretty exciting!

And, so it goes…

Believing and Santa

This time of the year can be so exciting and yet so daunting there are so many things to think about and worry if we allow. We want to give our kids everything and yet for a lot of families that is impossible and when you are a one parent family it may seem even more impossible! However, we do this right it can all work in our favor and that is what I always did with my two kids.

There were times I simply would wanted to crawl up into a ball and just cry because there was no way I was going to be able to purchase the gifts that my kids wanted. However, I had to Believe that somehow it would workout and you know somehow it always did. I would end up receiving a bonus or a friend or family member would buy one of the gifts they asked for. There were also times when my own children would come to me and tell me they did not believe any more. They would tell me that Santa was not real and that life was just hard, they would say they know that I was the one who put the gifts under the tree. The first time they told me this, my first thought was oh good now I can stop worrying about it all. I could tell them the truth and then explain that I cannot always give them what they want and that perhaps we could even dismiss the entire thing. Believe me these thoughts when through my head so quickly as I sat starring at my daughter then my son at different times of course. But then I would think if I did this then what would happen to their belief system? How would I teach them that even when things look really bad that they should still believe and knowing as they got older if they had no belief system how would they cope? Sure as we get older we understand a lot of things but do we not still believe in good, do we not believe that truth will triumph over evil? That we can make a difference that we can accomplish what we want despite what the world throws at us?  And, that it is OK to fall but to know we can get up!

And, so with a deep breath here is what my answer was to them…

Well let’s see is there really a Santa Clause, should you really believe in all of this and should you believe what your friends are telling you at school? Well it goes like this… I am much older then you and I still believe and I believe in Santa Clause and you know what Christmas is always here and presents are always wrapped up and placed under the tree every year despite anything that is going on. Have I always received exactly what I wanted maybe not always but I always would find something there for me that I wanted! So, here is what I say to you as long as you believe there will always be a gift under the tree for you and sometimes it will be exactly what you want and other times it maybe not exactly what you want but it will be something you want or need. This I can tell you in all honesty will happen and it will happen throughout your whole life even if at some point you have to make it happen!

Once this conversation happened they never asked again if there was a Santa or advised me that they did not believe! We had some great Christmas mornings where we all received exactly what we wanted and other times when we did not and it was always OK. I over heard my son speaking to a friend in his room he was about 7 years old and they were talking about Christmas and Santa. The friend said something along the line of awe come on there is no Santa and you are way too old to believe that. My son replied with “Oh no as long as I believe there will always be a gift under the tree for me!” Then he said, “I’m not really sure about Santa and I’m pretty sure that my mom is doing it all but I have never caught here putting the gifts under the tree. I also really don’t mind and if it makes her happy and my sister and I are happy then does it really matter? I will just believe” Then of course he said but really I know it’s my mom and they both laughed and I smiled as I stood near the door way of the room.

Now mind you sometimes they each only received one gift from Santa and sometimes it was small, yet they never complained. To this day if you ask my kids if they believe and if Santa is real they will tell you as long as I believe there will always be something under the tree for me!

We create life and we help it along and we should all be helping our children see that so that they can continue doing the same thing. And, so yes I believe in Santa Clause and I Believe! Don’t let the noise of our society take away your belief system and especially your child (children’s) desire to want to believe!

If Santa is not part of your Holiday Season that’s OK, but what ever it is believe in it and help your children to believe in who they are and in the world at large.

Can you share with all the readers what it is you do or can do to help grow your children's Belief System?

And, so it goes…  

Attitude of Gratitude

I had a very last week was very interesting it was a great week and this week I know will be even better. My attitude is back on gratitude and you know that can only mean more things to be grateful for, So, with that said yesterday I saw my first red bucket from the Salvation Army and I made sure I made my little deposit. Each year I never just walk by acting like I don’t see or hear the bell ringing so that I don’t have to drop something in. Every bucket I pass this season I shall drop what I can into it and be grateful for all that I have. My kids learned to give because of my giving attitude kids are all about mimicking what we do.

When my daughter was 2 we lived in the Azores at the time I was still married and our two years there was an adventure to say the least! I believe it is where I learned to truly be grateful for what I have. I must admit that I did become so overwhelmed with guilt because I could not give to every beggar that came to our door step. We arrived in the Azores in December to join her dad and anyone who knows me and my kids Christmas is our time of the year.  I love helping others even more during this time of the year so to see so many individuals and families needing help concerned me so much. I kept trying to help everyone who came to our door but was running out of food and my money. My husband at the time told me I had to stop that we were going to end up having to beg if I kept trying to feed the entire island!

The following Sunday after services I went up to the pastor and asked him how do I feed everyone? How do I not feel guilty about having what we have and seeing what they don’t have! How do I not give when it makes me feel so bad?

He said Marian you are so sweet and it is so good that you want to help all those in need but your husband is right you cannot feed everyone! He suggested I select one person or one family to help and to concentrate on just them. He continued to advise me that I do not need to keep giving them money that the families here need help with food and clothing as well. He suggested that I save our leftovers for who ever I choose to help, to buy maybe something small for them at the store when and only when I can.

I chose a family and they were the only ones I helped and shortly afterwards all the others stopped coming to our door! It was nice and I was able to breath again and feel that I was helping my daughter always helped me give whatever it was I was giving that day.

One day as we were in the house due to the rains myself and my ex were sitting down reading and our daughter was on her tricycle. She stopped and asked me for a bag and she put it on the handlebars then rode her bike to her dad then me. She stopped in front of us held out her bag and asked us each of us if we had food, U.S. money or Escudos. We looked at each other and said “Oh no she is begging!” we laughed you know kids follow what they see and hear! She did learn that to give thank goodness and not to beg as she got older! 

The Azores was not all about beggars by the way it is a beautiful island with people people in it and to this day my daughter remembers the joy and the fun we had their! We were stationed there for three years and my son was born there! 

What are you doing this Holiday season to help those that are not as fortunate as you?

And, so it goes…  

Thanksgiving

Another Thanksgiving has come and gone and now the Holiday Season is in full swing! This time of the year has always been one that I like! One year I wanted to teach my kids about giving and sharing. So we made a Thanksgiving meal all together then we plated up about 50 plates and drove around LA and passed out the plates. It was an adventure and a learning opportunity

My kids along with their two cousins who were with us ended up learning so much about Giving Thanks and Sharing with others that year. Each year after that they looked forward to Thanksgiving so we could help out in some way others who had less then us. I was able to do this on a tight budget because I had won a turkey and the fixings on a radio show. I already had my turkey and everything else I needed so I thought why not make it a family thing. My sister came with us to help distribute and since I worked with the homeless and mentally challenged I was aware of what we were doing and where to go.

It was one of my most favorite Thanksgiving dinners and my kids talked about it for years to come! Even though they did not get to eat their meal till we were done they were OK with it. And, that night at our Thanksgiving meal they shared their stories of helping others!

As parents we can think about ways to help others and yet make it fun and a learning situation for our children. Hope you all had had a wonderful Thanksgiving Day! If you don’t celebrate Thanksgiving because you are not from the US you can also create a day of Thanksgiving to be celebrated once a year in your own home. Then use this day as a day of giving and sharing with others who are less unfortunate then your family.

And, so it goes…

More Business News - New Logo

Here is our new logo! We are all so excited and my graphic arts person is pretty happy with it as well! He is under the weather so I'm hoping he is feeling much better in a few days. If anyone is looking for a great Graphic Arts person he is the one! William Schurmann and he can be reached at schurmy@mac.com and he was supported in the shadow family by Neil Segura can contact him at neil@neilsegura.com. If you contact Neil please let him know you heard about him through Parenting on your own and William Schurmann, please. If you contact William please let him know you heard about him through Parenting on your own.

We are moving and changing our logo here, on our site, twitter and Facebook as well. I am really thrilled with the outcome and know this will help us out as we dig our heels in to get the website done!

Speaking of the site parentingonyourown.com we are looking for 40 or more awesome families and yes if your one parent family we are talking about you!!! Don't wait go find a great picture of your family and send it in to us via the website landing page or to amora@parentingonyourown.com now!

You and your family will be part of our Launch and this historic movement to redefine what is possible for one parent families. Through our site individuals will be able to see how our families contribute to society in a positive manner! 

And, so it goes...

  

Take The First Step!

I am so excited about seeing everything happening before my eyes to see how this business is moving forward and growing is exciting. My web developer is busy getting the new website completed and with the help from my awesome assistant we are moving forward with content!

I have a blogger who has submitting post to us (for the site not for this blog) and on Friday I met a wonderful writer / blogger. I am so excited about our meeting her and I'm looking forward to this Thursday (November 1st) to be the day I find out if we have an agreement. She has some awesome ideas and I know you will all want to tune in and read her inaugural article it will be awesome. Keep your fingers crossed that I will be announcing on Friday or Monday at the latest of who will be on board I will introduce her to everyone. We had such a connection so again I'm hoping she will come on board!

When I first started the plans for this business I had a lot of people tell me that it seemed to big and that there would be no way that I could ever get this business off the ground. I was told that with no money to really put into this business how in the world would I ever get anyone to come on board and help me create it. I had a lot of nay Sayers that is for sure.

I also had a lot of others who have told me wow, where have you been I needed you three years ago but I could still use some help. Then others who tell me I have a friend who just became a single parent they really need some help. Others who have said, I can't wait till you launch, my daughter could use your help and just yesterday I was told "You have a message which must be heard by everyone!"

I do not let anyone tell me what is not going to happen, I do not let anyone take away my vision, my dream and I know that all I need to do is keep my vision in front of me at all times! I also only need to see the first step just like the quote by Martin Luther King Jr.

I can't wait to give you more information just as to how Parenting on Your Own will be able to assist you whether you are a parent from a one parent family. Or maybe you are a parent from a two parent family but your spouse is gone due to work like the military or a truck drive and you find yourself Parenting on You Own!

As for money... well I continue working my other business as an independent insurance agent and I'm thrilled when we receive donations from individuals who believe in what we are doing to help us grow. I create the funds that we need just like I did when my kids were young. I use to make and sell cheese cakes (really good ones) to help obtain extra funds for school trips, and other things that my two children needed.If we needed extra money I made it happen and that is what I'm doing now to create this business, I will continue working my insurance business in order to continue building this business.

I thought raising two kids was tough well I'm learning that raising a business is the same. You have to believe in it and yourself that you can raise it the same way you have to do with raising your kids. When you are thinking should I have said that, should I have done that should I have been that tough? Well just like raising your kids don't second guess yourself and remember you have to believe and know that your kids are going to be great. You are going to get out and pull in support from your community, friends and family to make it happen. This is the same thing you do with a business!

What is it you are looking to do is it a new business, switching to a different career, help your child/children get into a certain college? Tell us what it is you are doing that is the first step! Speaking out loud is a must!

And, so it goes...