2013 All Packed Up & Ready To Be Released!

I am in California and so I am on Pacific Standard Time which means right now it is only 6:38 P.M. Still time for me to make my final post for 2013! 

I could not let the year go by without a post to end the year and so I would like to start here...

The day after Christmas December 26, 2013 I was at a friends house when a conversation began between two individuals and soon the entire table was talking about the topic. It was about a young mom going through the roller coaster of life dealing with her two children and trying to figure out how to feel OK, about it all. Dealing with an ex, her children's dad and their feelings about the entire situation and how she the mom was dealing with it all.  It was a tough conversation and for those of you who are single parents you know what I mean.  I don't want to go into details here since I don't have permission but it was tough - when your mom dealing with the kids and their feelings about their dad and you and the entire situation well it's just not good.  Everyone gave their input and everyone told her she was doing a good job and that she was not alone.  Well lets face it first of all everyone always has a great way of telling us it's all good and your doing everything right but when your laying awake at night and the lights are out - your not thinking it's all good!
And, yes it is really great to have friends and family around but again when your home at night alone it is just you making the final decisions, which makes you feel alone in the situation. She said that is how she felt!

I shared with her that I felt the same way at first and at first I too would lay awake at night feeling alone in the world and trying to figure out how I was going to make it all work!  But then I started to make connections, I made friends who I could confide in, I sought after individuals who I looked up to for guidance and reassurance.  I went through counseling because if I was going to help my kids get strong then I needed to be strong and I began to learn to trust my gut, my heart and my head.  I turned to my community for support and when there was none I created it!  I told her she was making great choices for her kids and doing some pretty good things and to be easy on herself.  So much was said that night but that was a conversation between her and I, in fact when I spoke to her I did not make it a part of the conversation but directed it right to her.

All of this reminded me why I started this Parenting On Your Own blog.. I remember the nights of feeling like it would never end and thinking how in the heck would I ever get us through this thing called life.  I wanted to share what I had done right, wrong, or almost had it perfect answers to situations of raising a One-Parent Family!

I am so glad I choose to share what my family of three went through with all of you and if by some chance I have helped anyone... well then I did a good thing. I always say "I don't want to go through all that I did for naught" I would love to think that by sharing someone will find some answers to their own situations.

In 2013:

I really pushed to get more info into this blog. I invited others to come on in and share with all of you their stories, though at this time we only had one person, it's a start!

I wanted to work this blog at a 100% but found that I was not quite there yet. Though I am excited to see where it can go!

I opened up Mama Cheesecake, my passion is great and I love these cheesecakes (mamacheesecake.com), they are how I raised money for my kids when they were small. It is how we got to take vacations, send the kids on special school trips, and so much more. Once I left the cheesecakes behind to go into the insurance world a part of me felt lost.  Figuring out how to take my life experience as a single mom into a blog or into a blog that could help other one-parent families helped.  But when I really felt like I had to get out of the insurance world in early April and a plan or thought I had to make Parenting On Your Own a full site with paid membership fell though, I felt pretty bad.  It was my cousin's daughter that suggested; no she told me I needed to start a cheesecake business.  It took a while for me to wrap my head around it but you know it felt right and, by the end of April Mama Cheesecake was born!
If it was not for winning a spot on the Count Me In (http://www.countmein.org) Business Accelerator Course with People Biz (http://www.peoplebizinc.com/about/) made this pretty darn easy!  I learned so much and the course was amazing I knew what I needed to do and how to do it. In fact currently this business takes care of it self which means this year it will start to pay for me and an employee to start with! All of this was started by becoming a member of National Latina Business Women’s Association-Los Angeles (http://www.nlbwa-la.org/).  You see doing what I use to do for my kids while raising them is what I now do for me!

Also in 2013...

I was selected to be a part of The Restart Project with Gwyneth Paltrow and Tracy Anderson (renowned trainer) produced by Ryan Seacrest’s production company.  Gwyneth Paltrow and Tracy Anderson spend time with women who’ve overcome hardship, injury, and setbacks to triumph in the face of adversity. We’ll hear their inspiring stories firsthand, whether fighting back from a career-ending injury or transforming their lives and bodies through diet and exercise.  This is an online featured series find it here:  http://on.aol.com/show/the-restart-project-518018512/episode/518030361

I am blessed with an amazing family, friends, mentors and coaches and some pretty Awesome kids, no less!  Life is pretty darn good, no great!

And, for days gone by here are my two little ones - of course they are much older now days and I am so proud of them!

I can't wait for 2014!

For 2014 I will be living Powerfully a life that defies the predictable!
And, my motto will be:

       And, so it goes...

We All Can Choose to Restart!

I’m sure almost all of us have gone through some sort of difficulty that at first made us feel like there was no way out, right?  Or that perhaps we could get out of it but we would never be the same again.  These are all so real thoughts and feelings and if possible I would wave my wand and keep bad things from happening to all of us (this is what I use to tell my kids when things would happen to them).  However, we also all know that it is by going through some of our toughest times that we grow the most.  It would not matter if the issue was health, finances, business,/work, a relationship and the list can go on.  Sometimes we are hit with more then one issue or incident at a time which can make us feel like it will never end. 

A good friend of mine up in Northern CA always says “Break downs bring break through” and I have shared this many of times.      

Something else I always have said is “I want to know that what I am going through right now is not for naught” “ I would like to know that some how I can be of assistance by sharing what I have gone through and my outcome in order to help someone else.  If I can make a difference in someone else’s life then it was worth it (so to speak); which is why I created this blog.  Maybe there is one thing someone will read that will help them make changes in their own life or in the life of their child/children.

So where am I going with all of this… I was approached to submit my info for a new web series - on.aol.com about women who are restarting their life after some pretty incredible issues.  I thought OK, why not maybe this will be my way to really helping others; that perhaps someone will watch and will be inspired to move forward to their successes.  Or perhaps they will be inspired to tell their story which could in turn help someone out.  

I truly believe we each have choices in our lives to make and these choices happen every day we can choose to move forward in a positive manner or we can choose to feeling lousy and being miserable with our lives.  We also should be thinking about the fact that what ever choice we make we are also teaching our kids to do the same thing.  I truly believe that is what always kept me from falling all the way to floor and not be able to get back up. Even as our kids grow into adults they are watching us!

Do we want our children growing up feeling like victims and allowing victimization to grow in their lives?  Well not me I wanted my kids to grow up being responsible for their actions and for them to always remember they have choices!  It really does not matter if our children are in a two-parent or one-parent family how they turn out is what they learn from the adults in their life.  As parents we are able to give them the guidance and tools they need to make good choices in their lives in order for them to know and understand that it is up to them to make their life as good as they want it to be!    

Unfortunately, there seems to be more bad then good highlighted in our news, on TV, and periodicals. We see and read about bad statistics, we are shown the ugliness of the world - instead of the good!  My intention has always been to show that there is good despite what is going on around us.  We will have to go out of our way to find it sometimes and we may have to have a vision that we never lose sight of but the good is there, I promise!

With all that said I would like to announce I was selected to be part of an amazing group of women who share their stories of falling but the show is not about falling to the ground but about how we all got back up and kept on going! How the word victim is not in our vocabulary and how despite things happening that were almost unbearable we all Restarted our lives!  I am honored and humbled to be one of the women being highlighted.

It is a new web series called The Restart Project.  Gwyneth Paltrow and fitness expert Tracy Anderson joined forces to bring this program to life and it is Produced by Ryan Seacrest Productions.  The Restart Project premieres December 16 (today) you can find it at on.aol.com.  I don’t know when my segment will run but it is well worth it to watch the entire series as it unfolds over the next several weeks the stories are amazing!  For those who do not know me by name I am Marian Lopez and now you will know who to watch out for on the series.

Here is the trailer for the show:

http://on.aol.com/video/the-restart-project-trailer-518030361

And, so it goes…

What Kind of Messages Do You Send to Your Kids!

I found these baby tees at a shop in a mall

 you may not be able to see the writing on the tees till you enlarge the picture.  The wording is not  what I would call up lifting and motivating, which is why I'm on my soap box once again! 

I know we all say things and later think why did we say that, right.  I could also just say well these are just tees what's the big deal?  

Well to me it is a big deal this is how we begin to teach our children the one wearing the tee as well as any other child and yes teen.  "My mom can kick your Dads..." I do understand that most of the tees are simple and really are not saying much but here is the thing...

Our children should be wearing tees that say things like "When I'm older I'm going to College",  "My mom graduated from high school", "I'm getting straight "A's" at school, how about you?"  

We create the building blocks for our kids, we start them on their road to success... my kids were always wanting to know why a word like "shut-up" was not allowed in our home.  I explained to them that saying words that are rude and hurtful is bad!  How would you like someone to yell at you "shut-up"?  

I heard how an entire family was changed by changing what was said to the children in regards to school instead of asking "are you going to keep going to school?" they asked their kids  "what school are you going to be going to after high school?"  

What do you do to help mold the minds of your children? What do you put in front of them to see and read that will point them in a good direction with positive thoughts? 

I know I have hit this before but it is so important... what we say, do and act in front of our kids is what they will take in and will become! 

And, so it goes...

My Thought RE: How Does "I Am Malala" Relate To Single Parenting & Family?

The way I look at it is… Wait did you view the short video?  I hope so because if you did not then this may not make sense.

You see not only did I recognize this is a young girl who is just blessed with all sorts of strength and belief but she has a dad who has been right there.  She does speak of her mother but clearly states her mother’s thoughts and beliefs are traditional.

Her father sang to her all the time of how strong she is and of all the wonderful things she was going to be doing with her life and so is it not a surprise that she is doing what she is doing?  I think not!

We all whether we are one-parent or two-parent families must at all time be careful of what we say to our kids or when we are around them.  We help breath life into their thoughts and beliefs and as they grow they will find their own thoughts. We give them a foundation to build on and that can be good or bad depending on what you do and say around your kids!

If you speak of being lost, being down and out, of not having enough money or time or the oh poor me left to figure everything out then that is what you are giving to your kids.  Now trust me sometimes we don’t even realize that is being said or it’s done without thought so don’t go getting all upset with me.  However, now and in this time we should all be aware about how important it is to be positive even when there seems to be no reason to be positive.  Now on those days when the world seems to be caving in! When there is more bills and month then there is money or when you just are tired of carrying everything on your shoulders you have to let out a scream, right?  Then find yourself a group, some good friends who will allow you to fall and will be there to help dust you off as you get back up and ready to get back in there to fight!  Because our kids and ourselves are so worth it!

If Malala did not have a dad who continues to support her choices and who spoke belief and faith into her was not around would she be the Malala that we see in this video? Would she be a little girl fighting for her rights?  I honestly don’t know!

As single parents we must be that parent for our kids and if you just are not strong enough to be that parent then get someone who is that can be around your children to help guide them.  Like a good friend, a sister or brother, what about Big Boys or Big Girls Club and if you are not from the US find a similar club in your country.  But help get the right type of motivation to your children!

I was so moved by this young girl but even more for the father that she has! 

Let’s all remember to be strong for our kids and show them that we are not victims, that we all can aspire to do and be whoever we want to be!

What do you think about this? I would love to hear create a comment below.

And, so it goes

How Does "I Am Malala" Relate To Single Parenting & Family?

I just viewed the 20/20 show regarding the young girl who fought for her right and all girls as well as boys to attend school and learn! This is the story of Malala Yousafzai, and her courage against the Taliban.

Now you may be wondering what does this have to do with Parenting especially as a single parent right.  Well this is easy it has everything to do with parenting and I feel a single parent can learn a lot from this and their children.

Take about ten minutes to watch this video and see for yourself the amazing story about not just this young girl but about family and parenting.

http://abcnews.go.com/2020/video/teenage-schoolgirl-20550810

The father of Malala has been a strong force in her life from the time she was born to today.  Whether you are a one-parent or a two-parent family you can learn lots from this video regarding supporting your children and giving them strength.

What do you see that shows how Malala’s father helped to install strength and her positive outlook/faith that holds fast despite anything and everything that happens to her?

Next Saturday I shall give my input as to what I see.

Pass this link around lets all work together to share this story and help children all around the world!!! Not to mention our very own children in fact when you watch this do so with your children, nieces, nephews and/or grandchildren!

And, so it goes… 

A Little Today and A Little of Yesterday...

I am currently getting ready to see my new business take off and I can't begin to tell how excited I am!  I'm working with a program that has given me a lift and I don't think they even are aware of the lift they gave me. I'm always saying how if we believe and are able to some how let go of the crazy things in our lives as well as anything negative with in doors just start to open.  You can't just sit there and expect it to happen we have to go out and create it and that's when the magic happens because you allow your faith to carry you and your willing to close your eyes and leap (wow, sorry that was a lot of ands).

I told you all how lost I have felt about losing my aunt up in Northern CA, she was so much to me not just my aunt but a friend and a mentor.  I could always call her and when ever I drove back up North I would get so excited as I got onto Highway 680 because I always felt like I was coming home (to my other home).  I knew we would get to sit and talk and talk and we talked about a lot of things and I have missed her and knowing that on my next drive she would not be there saddened me quite a bit. It had been hard for me to get back into anything then through a friend who really had no idea of what she did introduced me to an individual.

 This is my aunt and my family at one of our last family vacations to their home.

 Who introduced me to a program which I really can't talk about just yet but once I'm officially selected then I can share, promise.  Just the possibility of working with this program helped me to get excited once again to get my new business "Mama Cheesecake" off and running.  I also realized there is a second half to my aunt and that is my uncle he is still with us and I am sure he is really a lot more lost then I.  I also realized that I can go up and see him and still be excited to come up, he is an amazing business man (retired) and I can ask him for suggestions and help which is a very good thing!  Also they both were really excited to see me reach my success after having several set-backs they felt I was heading into the right direction.  They cautioned me on a few things which I have taken care of since then. This all means that Mama Cheesecake is up and running with no stops engine is full of steam!

In fact I just found out that I will be receiving a call regarding my second account that is asking for a weekly order, woohoo!  Now this is not official but my source is a pretty darn good one and they already told her (my daughter).  Also I reached out to several places requesting the opportunity to do a tasting with them in order to see about making them one of my new accounts!  Hey at this rate I will be needing an assistant that can help me bake (for pay of course), this is all so very exciting.  OK, another great thing is that I also just got off the phone with the Greek Theater to begin the steps to see if they will carry Mama Cheesecake!  Just to have the opportunity and experience is sooooooo cool!!!  

OK, so for the secret program I had to pull together pictures that can be used to help tell my story and it was totally a trip down memory lane. My heart was filled with so much love just looking at the pictures that paved my road and brought me here where I'm at today.

My pictures took me all the way to when my babies were babies, they took me to Germany and the Azores where my kids were born.  I saw places where I lived and places where I visited.  I saw happy faces and tears on faces and everything in between not to mention all the wonderful individuals that have touched my life in so many ways!  I got to go down memory lane of my days as a wife and then as a single mom and it was so good to see.

I got to review over and over again both of my kids growing-up once again, I saw their smiles and their tears and their excitement along with their accomplishments along their way.  I also found home made cards and notes from my kids to me one that took me all the way back to when I first was separated from my ex.  It was a card from my daughter telling me how she was going to help me feel better and smile more once again.  Which reminded me once again how important it is to share with our kids but to be careful not to overload them with our messes.  We need to remember that it is OK, to share with then that we are sad but that we will be OK.  I want to say there were too many times that I wanted to keep from telling them anything and yet from that card I could see I did not express to them that I was sad due to the break-up but that I knew all would be OK. I wanted to shield them from the hurt going on and yet they knew along!  Our kids no matter how young they are can see and feel what is going on with in our families.

Do you ever wonder if you did the right thing?
Do you ever wonder if you could have done better?
Do you ever think would I do this again?

I have many times thought about these very questions and the answer is always the same!
Yes, I know that I did do the right thing!
No, I don't wonder if I could have done better; I know that I did the very best and that I always consulted with others. Some things we just can't stop like the bruised knees, the heart ache, the triumph over their successes, etc... These are the things that helped to shape our kids what we can do is guide them through it so that they are not hurt to the point of scars!
OH, I don't even have to think if I would do it again because the answer is always the same in a heart beat I would do it again!!!  Now if I could go back and do it knowing everything I know now would I make minor adjustments and the answer is absolutely!  Please keep in mind I would only do minor adjustments.

My daughter and my son have told me over and over again that they are who they are because of what I have taught them and most importantly shown them.  So if I would go back and change everything they would not be who they are now; who they are now are amazing strong willed, intelligent adults, who know what they want and are not afraid to go after it.

I love my life and all of it's opportunities and I am so deeply grateful for my past, it is who created me as I am today!  And, now it's time to get back to Mama Cheesecake, woohoo!!

And, so it goes...

A Lil Bit About Business & A Lil Bit About Family

Wow and wow, so much has gone on since I last posted. I had to figure out how to move forward with the passing of my aunt, I thought I had it figured out but only fell backwards. However, I do understand that life does go on and she was all about life and she wanted to see me reach my success and that is what I'm holding on to and pushing myself out. I had been staying in and not doing a whole lot and there has been so many things going on with the cheesecake business

http://mamacheesecake.com/ 

which means I really need to shake a leg (hey that's what she would say!). So once again I am dusting myself off and getting right back up and you know I am going to shake a leg!

I had this wonderful opportunity to do a cheesecake tasting with vegans and if Mama Cheesecake can pull it off and create a dynamite tasting vegan cheesecake it will be so worth it.  I have two recipes I am working with and making changes along the way giving it my spin in hopes to give it the original Mama Cheesecake taste. 

I am also working on the website and will have it completed by the end of this month as planned I am currently working on the menu. I could cut and paste my current menu onto the page but if I do that it will look like a cut & paste so instead I'm learning how to use a plugin to help me make it look professional! 

I was thinking back to when I was making cheesecakes when my kids were much younger and it's crazy that I am finding myself doing this baking thing. I somehow feel that we all sometimes have to go down one street only to find our way back to where we should have been, does that make sense? 

Have you ever found yourself running in one direction to get away from something only to find yourself right back where you were? For instance when I left the city I grew-up in I said "see ya later" I had no thought of ever returning for anything more then a visit! And, yet after my divorce guess where I ended up at? Yup, right back there but you know I truly feel it was for a reason so many things happened that has actually helped me to become who I am now and that's not a bad thing. In fact it is a very good thing and I am so excited about the future... I know there will be other ups and downs but I and all of us should always remember that there is always the up side of the down side, lol, it does sound funny but it is so true. We get so stuck in the down side we don't know how to get back up again and we find ourselves falling further down rather then up. We attract more and more things that makes us sad, mad and upset and we continue to feel like there is no way out. the good news is there is a way out! We just have to want it bad enough that we are willing to make some serious changes in our lives; though it's not easy it must be done to make the hand of fate move in the direction of positive happenings!!!

While raising my kids I had to always remember that and trust me there were days I just had no idea how it would turn out. I never thought I would end up turning my cheesecake recipe into a thriving business and yet that is what I have done. I really believe raising a family as a single parent or with two parents is so very similar to raising a new business from the ground up. There is so much to look after!!!

I told a friend today that I was all over the place... I was creating some new cheesecakes for a tasting on Friday with vegans and I'm hoping they like my vegan cheesecakes! I was working on this post for the blog as well as working on the website. I told her it reminded me of the days when I use to juggle work, parenting, and home front and yet I can say I still miss the those days of... mom, mom, mom come here or I have to have a new dress or how about I really need you to be on time to my performance! How did we ever stay sane? Oh yes, the same way I do it now - pull my hair out (not really, just joking!!), by having the faith and understanding that somehow it would all turn out. Yes having faith! 

And, so it goes or as my aunt would say... "Carry on"